There is clearly a blessing in being able to effectively communicate and being on one accord with your spouse. So much so that in the bible in Genesis 11:5-8, the people of the land communicated using the same language began to build a tower that would reach to the heavens. Their actions resulted in God confusing the language, because nothing would be impossible to them who speak on one accord.
Communication in marriage or lack thereof has been cited for years as one of the primary reasons for divorce. Being able to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings to your spouse is not only necessary to make a marriage work, but essential to maintain a harmonious household. Furthermore, good communication skills are necessary in every aspect of life.
For those who have issues communicating with your spouse whether it be difficulty expressing your thoughts or difficulty being a good listener there are some things you can do to become a better communicator. Listed below are a few tips to effectively communicating with your spouse:
- Take time each day to talk to each other.
- Openly talk to the other person, and actively listen.
- Express feelings without getting angry.
- Don’t be mean.
- Don’t give advice, unless asked for it.
- Watch your tone of voice.
- Don’t jump to conclusions.
- Don’t interrupt.
In closing remember that “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24 (NKJV)
There has been much talk since Kim Kardashian announced that she had filed for divorce from her husband Kris Humphries after only 72 days of marriage. Most of the gossip has been about her lavish 20.5-carat wedding ring which is a 16.5-carat emerald cut center stone set between two 2-carat trapezoids. Considering the short duration of the marriage and the cost of the ring, should she give the ring back? Is it right that she keeps the ring after only 72 days of marriage?
The line tends to be pretty clear concerning the etiquette of giving back an engagement ring if the bride or groom-to-be calls off the wedding, however, the water gets muddy in a situation where the wedding actually happens, but the marriage is short lived as in the Kardashian situation. Many are saying she should give the ring AND her wedding gifts back.
Regarding the engagement ring, apparently there is a prenuptial agreement between Kim K. and Kris Humphries; if Kim wants to keep the ring – sounds like she does – she will have to pay Kris the original purchase price, a reported $2 million. As for the wedding gifts, Kim K. has reportedly donated their gifts to the Dream Foundation, a charity which grants wishes to terminally ill adults. This donation unbeknownst to Kris … the marriage really was over before it even started!
I recently had a discussion with someone who has the belief that ALL relationships have some measure of deceit. I asked the person why they felt that way; they explained that after reflecting on past relationships of their own and observing the failed relationships of others, came this conclusion. I don’t agree with this stance that ALL relationships are deceitful. The act or practice of deceiving is defined as concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; or cheating. So to say that ALL relationships are deceitful is a strong statement. This conversation did give me food for thought for this blog and that is – is it ever okay to lie in a marriage? If so, when?
There is research that shows that the average person lies at least two times per day – that is if they are telling the truth about how often they lie (smile). Experts on the subject assert that a little “white lie” here and there is not harmful if the intent is not to save the person telling the white lie. For example, many parents tell their children that there is a Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, and/or Tooth Fairy – these are all lies, but the intent is not to save the person telling the lie therefore no harm, no foul. A researcher shared a much deeper example such as, what if you were in Germany and the Nazis came knocking at your door and asked if you were hiding Jews, you answer, “no I’m not” when you really are. In this example, most everyone would agree that this blatant lie is okay considering the situation and that you are saving someone else’s life.
As it relates to marriage, most would agree that it is never okay to lie to your spouse although many do. How many times has a wife asked a husband, “honey does this dress make me look fat?” and the husband responds, “no” when he’s thinking otherwise. This could be considered a little white lie that is told to protect the feelings of the wife. On the other hand much deeper issues such as money, debt, and having an affair are issues in marriage where lying is
almost always detrimental to the marriage.
There appears to be two different thought processes regarding telling lies. The occasional white lie that is free from selfish motive is okay, however, lying about more serious issues is in a marriage or relationship is not acceptable. So, is it ever okay to lie in a marriage? If so, when? I want to hear from you.