Search results for 'ask a man to marry'

Is It Okay for a Woman to Ask a Man to Marry Her?!

1 Aug
Woman asking man to marry her

Marriage Proposal

This photo has caused quite a stir on social media over the past few weeks – a woman on her knees asking her boyfriend to marry her. The original caption and story that accompanied this picture when I first saw it stated that the gentleman had already proposed to the young lady, then at their engagement party, she reciprocated the gesture. All of this aside, and not surprising that after a few shares on Facebook, the original caption and story disappeared and just the image is being shared asking, “is it okay for a woman to propose to a man”.

I’ve actually discussed the issue of a woman pursuing a man, Loveclick for post, and should a woman ask a man to marry her, click for full post in previous blog posts.

What are your thoughts? In this day and age is it okay for a woman to ask a man to marry her?

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ASK TERRY

4 Feb

February 4, 2014

Dear Terry,

This situation does not involve me personally, I’m kind of on the outside looking in; and am trying to give some sound advice to someone I care about. My brother has been dating his babies mamma for several years, they have an on-again – off-again kind of relationship; and he has been a live-in boyfriend when they are together. Their relationship has gotten to a crossroad where she wants them to get married and my brother is not interested in getting married at all. This young lady has hinted at asking my brother to marry her since he has not initiated a marriage proposal himself. She has been hanging on waiting for him to propose for years now – it’s obvious he has no plans to ask – at least not anytime soon. I’m screaming inside, “leave him, JUST leave him!” I want to tell her this, but I don’t want to overstep my boundaries or strain the relationship that I have with my brother.

-Frustrated On-looker

Dear Frustrated On-looker,

Wow! I can see you literally, throwing up your hands and yelling, “LEAVE HIM!” All jokes aside, for those on the outside, looking in and trying to understand the dynamics of someone else’s relationship can be quite complicated since we never know all the details of someone else’s relationship business. However, you mentioned several key points that I will address: 1) that your brother and this lady have been dating off and on for several years now. This sounds as if this relationship is “home” for one if not the both of them; meaning, when something better comes along, I will explore that option; and if that relationship does not work out, I know I can always come back to you. How unfair is this? Who wants to be someone’s in the meantime, in between time type of partner? My answer is, no one with a healthy self-esteem; 2) another point you made, that your brother and this lady have children together. This could very well fuel the on-again status of their relationship. Perhaps they are trying to make it work for the sake of the children. They should be careful of trying to force a relationship that perhaps neither of them really wants for the sake of the kids. In the long-run this could backfire – imagine the resentment the person would feel knowing that they only stayed around in a toxic relationship for the children. For some people they are better apart and their children grow up seeing their parents actually co-parent and get along instead of viewing two people live together in dysfunction just because and harbor resentment; and 3) that this woman has hinted at asking your brother to marry her since he appears to have no intention of asking anytime soon. This I see as problematic as well. Tradition aside, the very essence of a man is to seek and conquer. Men love a chase. A woman asking a man to marry her may sound forward thinking and in line with the times, but I guarantee you that any real man would not want his woman asking him for his hand in marriage. I do believe men still want the duty of asking for a woman’s hand in marriage.

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Dear Terry,

I am married and I have a secret bank account that my husband has no knowledge of. I’ve had this account since before we were married, there is a significant amount of money in this account – several thousand dollars and I sometimes feel bad about having this secret stash, mainly when things get tight around the house. I am tempted to tell him about the money but always come to my senses before I spill the beans because my mom told me that I should always have some money put aside for a rainy day that my husband does not know about. I feel bad keeping this secret from him, however, I do feel empowered knowing that I have money put away “just in case.” Do you think I should tell him about my secret stash? Why or Why not?

-My Mama Didn’t Raise No Fool

Dear My Mama Didn’t Raise No Fool,

You are not alone; many women, me included have received this advice from well meaning women in our lives. I understand the concept, however, I do not agree with the “secret” part. Being a woman, I get having a “just in case” stash. Some may ask, what is a “just in case” stash; “just in case” my husband loses the good sense that God gave him and decides to leave me, I will have money to help with my transition. That being said, I do have an account that my husband does not have access to, but he knows I have the account. This account that I maintain is the one that was my main checking when I was single. I can so relate to your dilemma, because I had this same issue prior to getting married. I made the decision to tell my husband about the account, he did not agree with me having it, but understood my position. I simply did/do not want to put my total financial trust in a man, especially being that I was single and self-sufficient for so long. Additionally, I have flashbacks of that scene in the book and movie “Waiting to Exhale” when Bernadette went to the bank and she couldn’t access the joint accounts. I cannot tell you what to do; however, I believe you already know what to do. First of all, do some soul searching and come to terms with why exactly are you maintaining a “secret” account; then discuss your feelings with your husband – be open and honest. In this situation, communication is critical – there is a much deeper issue than keeping a secret bank account.

DISCLAIMER: The information or advice in this column should not be substituted for professional counseling. The thoughts expressed in the “Ask Terry” segment of the Relationships-411 blog are the thoughts and opinions of the writer and should be viewed as information and entertainment only. By submitting a question to the column you are hereby granting us permission to publish your question on this blog. You may submit your question or relationship dilemma to ask@terrycato.com for the chance to be one of the featured questions of the week.

Twitter Chat: Don’t forget to join us on Thurs (8 pm CST/9 EST) for Twitter Chat at #AskTerry to weigh in on the week’s questions

Is It Ever Okay for A Woman to Pursue A Man?

12 Dec

I haven’t been single and on the dating scene in years and am wondering has the rules changed? “Is it ever okay for a woman to pursue a man?” I ask this question as a fan of Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA). This season a new house wife has joined the cast, Miss USA 1993, Kenya Moore. And she has been, shall we say nothing less than aggressive in her pursuit of a man to marry and get her pregnant.

Kenya Moore_RHOA

The most recent episode (#6) that aired this past Sunday, we viewers witnessed a hodge podge of mess which included: Kenya putting her boyfriend Walter on the spot about a ring, Kenya flirting with one of the wives’ husband, and then Kenya backing her thing up to yet another wife’s husband; all this happening in front of her boyfriend, Walter. We have since learned that the “Walter is my boyfriend charade” was an alleged lie! The focus of this post is not on her alleged lie about Walter being her boyfriend, but on her aggressive behavior in the pursuit of a man.

I personally think that it is definitely out of order for a woman to pursue a man. However, maybe I’m old fashioned, maybe the rules have changed; has the rules changed? The bible says in Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.” The bible is clear that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor; not a woman finding a man. In the beginning God created woman for man. God created Man or Adam as a complete person. He then said that it is not good that man should be alone; every animal, every beast had a companion, but there was no suitable companion for man. God therefore, created woman from the rib of Adam to be his help meet.

This being said, what are your thoughts on women who pursue men?

Is it Okay to Date a Coworker?

5 Sep

I once heard the statement, “don’t keep your honey where you make your money”; translation, don’t have a relationship with someone on your job. The other day, there was a big discussion on one of the local radio stations asking if it was okay to date someone who you work with. Some of the comments were very interesting to say the least. And I was surprised at the number of people who actually had dated someone on their job. For a couple of them, they ended up marrying the person. Career Woman_4

I have personally witnessed office romances and affairs – and none of those ended on nice terms. What are your thoughts? Is it wise or foolish to date someone on your job?

Here Comes the Bride!

7 May

She had the perfect wedding dress picked out, had chosen the date and reserved the facility, and among other things had handpicked all the bridesmaids to be in her perfect wedding. All the details had been carefully thought out and planned. The only problem is – her groom-to-be was still married! Yes, you read what you thought you read – her fiancé was already married.

married-couple 3

Several years ago, I was visiting with a dear friend and she shared with me that she had just witnessed an unbelievable chain of events unfold as she was one of the bridesmaids. She explained that a friend, had asked her to be in her wedding – she willingly accepted. Purchased a bridesmaid dress, helped plan and attended the bridal shower – but she like many others, were asking the excited bride-to-be, “who is your fiancé? Who is the lucky man?! Do we know him, have we ever seen him?” The bride-to-be was super secretive about her groom-to-be and for good reason. Many bridesmaids speculated that he was a professional athlete or famous entertainer, others wondered, was he in the military away at war. When his identity was finally revealed a couple of weeks before the wedding was supposed to take place, everyone was shocked and appalled to learn that her “fiancé” was already happily married.

married-couple 2As friends pressed her for answers, the bride-to-be asserted that she was believing God that this man was going to get a divorce and ask her to marry him. As close friends of the bride-to-be learned more and more details of the story, they asked does he know any of this? Her response was, “no, I ‘m believing God.” Needless to say, the wedding did not take place and the “fiancé” asserted that he loved his wife and had no intentions of divorcing her – to say that he was shocked and appalled at what he learned is an understatement.

When I was single and believing God for a husband, I actually had picked out the colors that I wanted, knew that I wanted to have a small intimate ceremony and actually had a wedding dress. The dress was by default because I was engaged, purchased a dress – then became unengaged and could not sell the dress.

WeddingHall

What are your thoughts? How far is too far when a single woman begins to plan the details of her wedding, but has no fiancé?

The Sad State of Relationships

31 Jan

WeddingBandsThe past several days have been interesting as it relates to relationships. I have been tagged to and asked for my opinion on the popular “fake boy/girlfriend app”, the 40-year old woman who married herself, and the text message relationship trend. Every time I hear about something different, outlandish or odd, I think, “well that’s about as far as it goes” then I hear about something else that pushes the envelope. I always say that everything is not for everybody and variety is nice. However, with the recent trends in relationships, I honestly don’t know where we as a society are going. Continue reading

Holiday Book Give-a-way

7 Dec
Christmas image_4Season Greetings!! We are well into the holiday season and this is the time of  year when many people get depressed. Especially those who have lost loved ones or those who are single. I know because I’ve been there. For years, I was single and desired to be married and have children of my own; then in June 2000 my mom passed away. So, I have a soft spot for individuals grieving the loss of a loved one during the holidays and those who are single. My advice to those who are struggling with loss or loneliness this year is to surround yourself with family, and keep the true meaning of Christmas in perspective. If you cannot be with your family, surround yourself with individuals who are similarly situated and encourage each other. It truly is the season of giving and sharing, I encourage you to volunteer at a shelter or some other community based non-profit. Sometimes encountering others and learning of their struggle tends to help us realize that we really are  not as bad off as we think.
Christmas image_1
During this season of giving, myself and 13 other Indie Authors have teamed up to host a holiday book give-a-way. Our books vary across the many genres. Feel free to enter as many of the raffles as you like. The raffle will continue until December 22, 2013. Good Luck and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!! -Terry Cato

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HERE ARE THE BOOKS!

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Book Name: “NO LONGER A BRIDESMAID!”
Author Name: TERRY CATO
Genre: Memoir #pages: 166
Cover1
For years, Terry Cato was always the bridesmaid, but never the bride. In this poignant memoir, this first-time author tells the story of her seven years of preparation, finally becoming a Lady-in-Waiting (engaged) and then a bride. During her years of being single, Terry observed seven personality types–her own included–that can get in the way of progress toward the altar. In this book, learn: The seven types of single women and how they could be harming their chances of getting married; why dating is just practicing for divorce; how to deal with and heal old emotional wounds; the seven steps the author used to successfully prepare for her husband; how to live a happy, celibate life as you prepare for your husband and more.

Ebook $2.99, Paperback $14.95

Book Name: DANGLED CARAT
Author Name: HILARY GROSSMAN
Genre: Memoir / Chick-Lit #pages: 281

goodreads

Hilary had gotten used to dating the commitment-phobic Marc. They had a great relationship—why rush into things? But after four years together, their friends decided to take matters into their own hands, pushing Marc to propose. Unfortunately, Marc still wasn’t ready—and their friends’ meddling in the form of a faux engagement party led to a disastrous New Year’s Eve that brought their relationship to a turning point.

In this relatable, playful memoir, Hilary reminisces about her life before Marc—from the awkward teenage years to her early relationships and, finally, to the day she met Marc and realized that she really wanted to see him again. Through the ease of their early time together up until that fateful New Year’s Eve, Hilary shares the details and considers how Marc’s inability to commit led her to find an inner strength and confidence she didn’t know she possessed.

For anyone who has ever dated a commitment-phobe, who has found their patience wearing thin, or who has sat around wondering if he is ever going to pop the question while trying to remain the picture of patience and grace, Hilary’s humorous and honest story will hit home.

Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, Kobo & Apple Ebook $3.99, paperback $9.43

Book Name: WHITE LIES
Author Name: EMILY HARPER
Chicklit/Contemporary Romance – #pages 241

9780992095307

Imagine standing in line at Harvey Nichols waiting to buy the most gorgeous silk Gucci dress. The only minor problem? You can’t afford it, it’s a size smaller than you are, and you have absolutely no place to wear it.

Meet Natalie Flemming: a twenty-something woman working in London for a fabulous shoe-designing firm, but the only thing they let her touch is the company’s tax forms. She has decided to give fate a vacation and takes the task of finding the man of her dreams (or Johnny Depp if he would just return her calls…) into her own hands.

She craves adventure, spontaneity, passion- or will just settle for a decent date.

Available on Amazon and Kobo Ebook $2.99
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Book Name: QUAKE
Author Name: LISA ARRINGTON
Genre: Science Fiction #pages 286

quake - hight resolutionAli and Caden thought they were your average teenagers trying to navigate high school pressures and college decisions.

During a camping trip all of that changes when an earthquake ushers in an Alien invasion on their small desert hometown.
Lives are lost and friendships are tested as Ali and Caden, along with their best friends, begin running for their lives. However, nothing can prepare them for the secrets they discover when they begin learning more about themselves then they ever thought possible.

Available Amazon Paperback: $10.99 Ebook $3.99

Book Name: MARIONETTE
Author Name: T.B. MARKINSON
Genre: LGBT Young Adult # pages 290
mar-kindle
Paige Alexander is seventeen and has her whole life in front of her. One day her girlfriend comes home to discover that Paige has slit her wrists. Paige isn’t insane, but she acts like she is. Why?

After the incident, Paige agrees to go to therapy to appease her girlfriend, Jess. However, Paige doesn’t believe that therapy will help her. She believes she’s beyond help. Paige doesn’t want to find herself and she doesn’t want to relive her painful past in order to come to terms with it. What Paige wants is control over her life, which she hasn’t had since her birth.

During her childhood, Paige is blamed for a family tragedy, when in fact, her twin sister, Abbie was responsible. Abbie doesn’t come forward and Paige becomes the pariah of the family.

To add to Paige’s woes, while attending a college in a small town in Colorado, the residents are in the midst of debating whether or not gays and lesbians should have equal rights. Tension is high and there’s a threat of violence. She isn’t out of the closet and pretends to be straight at school since she fears what will happen if her parents find out she’s a lesbian. Will she end up dead like her best friend, Alex?

Available Amazon ebook: $3.99

Book Name: SNOWFLAKES & BEESWAX
Author Name: JESS SCHIRA
Genre: Historical romance #pages 96
31g0Men0B4L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA278_PIkin4,BottomRight,-67,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_Madelyn Wickham is a shy farmer’s daughter who wants to be left alone to tend to her bees and make candles so elegant they captured Queen Charlotte’s attention. For years, she and her father had a good system. Madelyn made the candles the queen requested for the Christmas celebration she hosted at the Queen’s Lodge, and Madelyn’s father handled the men the queen sent to fetch the merchandise.

Her father’s death changes everything. The idea of dealing with the queen’s men terrifies her, people have always made her feel uncomfortable, but she has no choice. It takes all of her courage, but she manages to walk up to them and start a conversation. Moments later they find the candles she’s prepared for the Queen’s celebration have been destroyed.

Oliver Hamilton has always had a knack for seeing the bright side of every situation. He understands the seriousness of the situation, but doesn’t see any reason for despair. He sees the situation as a chance to spend time with a woman who’s always intrigued him, but who he’s only ever seen from a distance. He has no idea he’s stepping into the middle of a tense sibling rivalry, and a bitter fight custody fight over the small farm, a battle Madelyn can’t handle by herself.

Available Amazon ebook $0.99, paperback $4.50
Book Name: THE GUARDIAN
Author Name: SARA MACK
Genre: Paranormal Romance #pages 326

Guardian final_coverTrue love never dies. Emma Donohue begs to differ.

When a late night accident claims the love of her life, Emma secludes herself in memories of James. In his sandy brown hair and clear blue eyes. In their innocent first kiss and declarations of love. In their plans for a life together after college. But happy dreams can’t rid her of the guilt she carries. She can’t erase her actions the night he died. She can’t erase her reaction at his funeral. And she can’t erase the hollow void that fills her chest and consumes her heart.

The first time Emma hears James’ voice, she’s astounded. It sounds as if he’s standing right beside her, and she fears her shattered heart is trying to drive her mad. But, as she continues to hear the voice, she finds comfort in it. With the help of her best friend Shel and handsome newcomer Dane, she tries to move forward and start living again.

Until the voice in her head turns out to be more. So much more.

You know what they say. True love never dies.

Available Amazon, Barnes & Noble Ebook $0.99, paperback $9.99

Book Name: A GOOD MAN
Author Name: VANESSA MORGAN
Genre: horror, screenplay #pages 92

A Good ManLouis Caron is a good man: he feeds the homeless, takes
care of animals, and is concerned with the ecological future of the
planet. But his altruism has a sinister edge – he’s a vampire – and
local detective Taglioni is getting increasingly suspicious. Louis’
attempts to escape the police will take him on a journey into his own
private hell where he is not only forced to confront his worst fears,
but also to destroy the lives of those he cares about most.

Available Amazon, Smashwords $6.92
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Book Name: UNBREAKABLE
Author Name: JOANN LEE
Genre: lesbian romance, #pages 251
Unbreakable_400x600
Sequel to Broken Star

After finding happiness, Lynn Feoras was convinced life with Alexis and Calista would be perfect. But when she and Alexis begin the tedious journey of expanding their family, she soon comes to learn that money doesn’t buy everything.

In the midst of doctor’s visits, a move to New York, and a whirlwind tour, life remains chaotic for the Feoras family. New friends emerge, old ones return, and an unexpected reappearance of someone from Lynn’s past leaves her questioning her ability to be a parent.

Will Lynn and Alexis be able to overcome the obstacles placed before them? Will their relationship crumble under the strain or will they come out on top, stronger than before?

Available Amazon $6.99
Title: WILDCAT IN MOSCOW
Author Name: STORM CHASE
Genre: contemporary romance, #pages 253
Wildcat In Moscow by Storm Chase
When Chelsea comes back from Alaska she discovers her stepfather has embezzled her multimillion pound inheritance.Not only is Chelsea broke but the police think she has colluded with her stepfather in a financial swindle. Worse, loan shark Carlos Santiago is after her too, determined to make her pay up for her stepfather’s debts.Then Vladimir Voyeykov, a Russian business tycoon rumoured to be a member of the Red Mafia, enters the mix. He whisks Chelsea to Moscow where she is catapulted into a world filled with intrigue, uncertainty – and passion.
Available Amazon, Smashwords ebook: $3.99
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Title: LOST WEEKEND AN EROTIC ROMANCE IN WALES
Author Name: STORM CHASE
Genre: cromance erotica, #pages 97
Lost Weekend By Storm Chase“What’s going on?” Micah asked gently. “You say you’re an escort and you’re dressed like a wet dream come true. But you are embarrassed when I look at you. And when I offer to hire you, you turn me down flat. Furthermore, you were so frightened of me earlier that you hit me over the head with a frozen leg of lamb and yet now you are here, all curled up and cosy – in my bed I might add – when you could be halfway back to London or the nearest police station.”
“I, I,” Bryony stuttered. “It’s complicated.”
“So I see,” Micah said.When Micah accidentally kills a major drug dealer, and Bryony is the only witness, Micah decides the only solution is to keep an eye on her while he makes plans to leave the country. However, when Micah and Bryony start talking to each other, things don’t work out quite as either of them expect.Lost Weekend is a love story with a hint of murder and a heroine who decides she likes it best when she’s on top.
Available Amazon, Smashwords price $2.99
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Book Name: THE UNICORN’S DAUGHTER
Author Name: NORMA BEISHIR
Genre:Thriller #pages 353
unico
Codename: Unicorn. Jaime Lynde adored her father. She was devastated when she was told he was dead–but she refused to believe he was a traitor to his country. Her determination to prove his innocence sent her on a journey from Washington DC to Paris to Libya and put her on a collision course with a double agent in Tripoli at the time of the 1986 air strike…
Available Amazon, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble price $2.99
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Book Name: POHOI AND COMANCHE SPIRIT POWER
Author Name: J. L. CHALFANT
Genre: Native American Historical with elements of Native American mysticism, romance and suspense. #pages 307

9781475973365_COVER.inddA battle for power is about to begin.

It is 1860, early spring on the high plains of Texas. Pohoi, a young Comanche woman, learns how the winds of spring open doorways into the world of spirits. She ignores the concerns of a certain young warrior she loves and breaks tradition, all to gain Comanche Spirit Power when friendly traders, assisted by her beloved aunt, attack and murder her father and kidnap her white mother.

As predicted by her medicine woman aunt, the Great Spirit Storms arrive.

No longer can Pohoi wait to right the recent wrongs committed against her family, especially since she can no longer marry Yellow Bear. She transforms into a ghost warrior and charges toward the plains, home to the dreaded Texans and soldiers, and where she believes the kidnappers have taken her mother. But not until Yellow Bear tracks her location, bringing with him her traitorous aunt’s unwanted child, does Pohoi realize her real battle is where she least expected. Soon she learns a shocking truth that quickly blurs the line between friend and foe, revealing a route back to love, and to life if she can relinquish her need for power.

Even if Pohoi finds her mother, how can she set her father’s spirit free and end the Great Spirit Storms if Power turns against her? And, if she gains Comanche Spirit Power, will Yellow Bear still love her?

Available: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple Ebook, Apple print Price paperback $13-$15, Ebook $3.95 – $5.95

Book Name: CLOSURE
Author Name: ANGELA FORD
Genre: romantic suspense #pages 176
Closure Angela Ford GoodReads - Copy

Closure…a gripping FBI search grounded by an as-yet-unrealized love story…Jess, a young FBI profiler is compelled to save the fourth victim from a sexual predator, only to put her life into the hands of a serial killer.

Exciting new romantic suspense from debut author, Angela Ford. An elite FBI task force tracks online predators while they hunt their prey. A series of murders in Presario Heights has forced Special Agent Jessica Resario to follow her gut instinct to save the next victim. Supervisory Special Agent Tom Erickson removes her from the case. The only place to escape the danger is her family beach home. She hadn’t been there since her parents were murdered. The level of intensity climbs higher with her discovery of postcards marked “I Crave You”. Old ghosts, secrets, imminent threats and an inevitable attraction to Tom send her on an emotional roller coaster. If that wasn’t enough, she opens the door to a man she thought was dead. Tom is stabbed and his case files go missing…high emotions put Jess at the killer’s mercy.

Available Amazon Ebook Price $2.94, paperback $5.39
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Why Buy the Cow When You Get the Milk Free?!

17 Nov

A couple of months ago I was watching a reality show where one of the cast mates revealed that after being in a long term relationship for over 10 years that she and her companion finally married only to get a divorce and go their separate ways after 2 years of marriage. One of the friends asked, “why did they wait so long to get married.” I don’t remember how she responded, because at that point the thought that flooded my mind was something my grandmother told me years ago about men, “why buy the cow, when you get the milk FREE?” Meaning, why would a man marry you if he is getting what he wants from you without any type of marriage commitment. Wow! I didn’t fully understand what she was saying until I was much older and found myself in one of those on again, then off again type of relationships with a man who had major problems committing.

Unhappy couple-2

I would often hear statements like, “I know I want to be with you, I’m just not ready for marriage” or “what’s wrong with what we have, why rush into marriage?” Sounds familiar? I’m sure I wasn’t the only single female who heard lines like this from a commitment phobic man. At some point like me, you get fed up with all the empty lines and are faced with a major decision, 1) do I stay the course and see if this man will marry me? Or 2) do I cut my losses now and move on with my life? For me, I chose the latter.

Time is precious and we can never regain wasted years where we stayed in a relationship far longer than we should have. A man knows early on if he has long or short term plans for you – he just may not communicate his intentions to you. Don’t be somebody’s in-between time and in the mean-time girlfriend that they are simply passing time with. You may just find that you wasted precious years giving away your goods to a man who is all of a sudden READY to marry, just not to you.

Happy Couple-3

Is Marriage An Antiquated Concept?

29 Apr

Adam Levine

My guess is this; it depends on who you ask. Singer, Adam Levine recently stated in an interview for men’s fashion magazine Nylon Guys, “if you don’t get married, you can’t get divorced.” Levine is not alone in his theory. While doing research for my book, working title “Always a Bridesmaid ~ Never a Bride” [scheduled for release in May 2013], I stumbled upon an interesting fact courtesy of the U.S. Census Bureau, that in recent years the divorce rate was going down. I was pleasantly surprised considering I have heard too many times to count that the divorce rate, especially among Christians, was in fact going up. Contrary to popular belief, statistics show that the divorce rate has actually decreased from 7.9% in 1980 to 5.2% in 2008. In line with that, could the divorce rate statistically be going down because the marriage rate has also gone down over the years? In 1980 the marriage rate was 15.9%, in 2008 10.6%.

The “if I don’t get married, I won’t get a divorce” mindset is very prevalent in this generation of adults; with more than half of U.S. adults not married, a record low has been set according to Pew Research: Social and Demographic Trends. The Pew Research also reported that the median age for first marriages has never been higher for brides at 26.5 years and grooms at 28.7 years. In 1960, 72% of all adults ages 18 and older were married – today only 51% are married.

Happy Old Couple

Why are adults now-a-days waiting to get married? When asked, some adults have said they wanted to focus on their education and career first, then get married and start a family. Others cite finances as a reason to delay marriage; and then there are those who cite the divorce rate as their reason for delaying marriage. I personally, wanted to focus on my education prior to even thinking about marriage and kids – and many fellow Generation X women are of the same mindset. I however, knew that at some point that I would want to marry and have a family – I just didn’t think I would marry at the ripe old age of 33. Decades earlier, I would have been viewed as a less than desirable candidate for marriage in my thirties. In the 1950’s most women were married by the time they were 20. Marrying much later than our predecessors is not only the norm but almost expected since now, many parents have an expectation that their child will attend college or obtain some form of post secondary education. Now-a-days a twenty year old about to marry will hear, “you are so young, why are you getting married at such a young age?” more times than they will care to count.

Happy Couple-3

Although statistically the marriage rate is doing down, marriage is still a well respected institution in society. So much so, that now same sex marriages are being debated in court. Back to my original question, is marriage an antiquated concept?  Do you think so? What are your thoughts? I’d love to know.


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