Question: I saw my friend’s husband having dinner with another woman. What should I do?
My answer: Nothing.
A few months ago, I saw a married man I know at a gas station with another woman. Initially, I thought, “I know this man, I know his wife and the woman he is with right now is not his wife”. For me, this situation was a no-brainer. This is not my business, not my concern – keep it moving. First and foremost, I realize that things aren’t always what they seem. For all I know, this woman could have been his cousin, his niece, a co-worker, etc. The exchange could have been totally innocent. Second, even if infidelity on the husband’s part was true, I have no idea what their marriage arrangement or agreement is. Quite honestly some wives look the other way when their husband’s cheat and don’t want to know about his indiscretions. Third, I didn’t know the wife well enough to discuss such a sensitive topic.
Back to the original question, “I saw my friend’s husband having dinner with another woman. What should I do?” In this situation, the individual saw their friend’s husband in a what appears to be compromising situation. If this friend is a really close friend, they probably already know a great deal about the person’s relationship status. Therefore, simply casually mentioning that you saw her husband at dinner should be enough. If she wants more detail, share without accusing the husband of anything and let your friend take it from there. Who knows, this could have been a business meeting with a client.
Remember things aren’t always what the seem.
As we approach the season of love, (Christmas through Valentine’s Day) where a lot of couples historically get engaged, if I was a betting person – I would bet that half of the couples who will get engaged and then married do not discuss these critical topics BEFORE getting married:
- Finances – who will manage the finances, how will bank accounts be set-up and managed;
- Sex – their view on sex (frequency, preferences/likes, dislikes);
- Children – how many they will have and/or how they will raise them;
- Faith or lack of – their belief system and commitment to their faith;
- Career aspirations/dreams/goals – some people actually talk about their career aspirations with their future spouse, but most fail to discuss their dreams and wants.
If this is you – you have become recently engaged to be married, talk about everything. Don’t just cover the obvious basics: the past, family dynamics, and failed relationships. Discuss sensitive issues, such as your spending habits and view on money/finances; how many children you want and how you will discipline them, how you will introduce them to your faith, etc.; and don’t be afraid to share your dreams with your future spouse.
Communication is KEY in marriage. The foundation for good communication should be laid long before you say “I do”.
I’ve recently seen these images floating around social media. I’m not sure how effective spousal public shaming is, but I definitely got a laugh out of this.
Your thoughts on a spouse or ex-spouse public shaming the other.
I read something on social media the other day, where a person posed the following question, “why do men cheat with a woman who has a nasty house with a Raid bottle behind the sofa?!” Another person responded, “because men are looking for a good lay and women are looking for an upgrade when they cheat.” Wow!…
I don’t know if this theory is true, but it certainly made me laugh out loud; or as the younger generation says, “it made me LOL.” All jokes aside, is this true? In situations that I know of where men have cheated on good women, this seemed true. That the men were cheating down – messing over a good woman for trash. And the opposite seemed to be true for women. In situations where the woman cheated, it was usually for someone who treated her better than the man she was with.
Your thoughts. Do men cheat down and women cheat up?
I saw this posted on a Facebook friend’s page and commented, “That’s a great question! Men know the ONE and it does not take 2-3 years to figure it out. Even if they are still trying to figure “life & career” out they know who they want to meet at the altar and who the in the meantime play mates are. I have the privilege to speak about and write about relationships – so I talk to both men and women candidly about relationships all the time. And men have repeatedly told me, they only do what women allow them to get away with … so for the women if you want more – demand more.” This is sad, but in many situations true.
I recall being at a book signing event once, and a man shared with me that he met his now wife in a club. He said that at the time he knew that he was nowhere near ready to be married, but what he did know was that she was “the one”.
Book Signing Event
What do you think? Why do men do this?!
I recently had the opportunity to have a conversation with a couple of guys to discuss being single and dating in Silicon Valley. The first part of the show originally aired a few weeks ago, part 2 of the conversation is now available. Some of the questions the guys answered were: what is love, why are men afraid of commitment, is it okay for a woman to approach you and do strong women intimidate men? And more!
I’m pleased to announce that I will be periodically doing “Ask Terry” segments as part of Real Talk w/Terry. Quite often I get asked relationship questions via email, text message, and direct messages. As appropriate, I will share these questions with you.
Catch this episode of Real Talk w/Terry where I devote the entire show to questions that were discussed as part of a panel discussion at a Battle of the Sexes networking event that I hosted.
This one, I saw on a Facebook friend’s page and I couldn’t resist sharing. Basically, there is a young lady involved in a relationship who desires to be married, but has been given a choice: 1) we can get married but no kids or 2) we can have kids but not get married.
This makes absolutely no sense to me. My advice to this young lady is to keep it moving and waste not another day with this guy. Your thoughts?
March 31, 2015
After a major break-up or heartbreak, how long should you allow yourself [to heal] before you re-enter the dating scene?
-Heartbroken & Lonely
Dear Heartbroken & Lonely,
The healing process is different for each individual. With that before you venture into a new relationship, be sure that you have healed completely from your last break-up. The last thing you would want to do is to bring baggage from a previous relationship into a new relationship. I highly caution against rushing into a new relationship to help you get over a previous relationship – this will only compound your problems. Each relationship deserves a clean slate.
The past several days have been interesting as it relates to relationships. I have been tagged to and asked for my opinion on the popular “fake boy/girlfriend app”, the 40-year old woman who married herself, and the text message relationship trend. Every time I hear about something different, outlandish or odd, I think, “well that’s about as far as it goes” then I hear about something else that pushes the envelope. I always say that everything is not for everybody and variety is nice. However, with the recent trends in relationships, I honestly don’t know where we as a society are going. Continue reading