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He Caught My Attention

27 May

By: Joyce M. Jones JoyceJones_headShot

(originally published in the Zoe Life Inspired Devotional (2012-16))
“Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another;” -Romans 12:10 (NKJV)

My husband loves to tell his story about how we met, when I was the new member’s clerk and program coordinator, at our former church. As the new member’s clerk I collected contact information; and as program coordinator I worked closely with the new members to organize quarterly programs. I took my position very seriously. That may have been how we met, but he didn’t get my attention until later when my mother and I were in a car accident.  While I was home recuperating, he called to see if I wanted to go for an outing.  I consented. He took me for a lovely ride in the hills where he once delivered mail. On our way back, he made a stop. We then proceeded to an early seafood dinner. When he took me home, he gave me a beautiful, fragrant bouquet of  2½ dozen red roses (that he had apparently picked up when we made the stop).  “How thoughtful”! That kind gesture got my attention and was the start of our friendship.

Disney coupleIt was the phileo love (means brotherly love, in the Greek) that caught my attention. The love that is a tender, affectionate kind of love that friendships are based on. We were brother and sister in the Lord first; then friends, sharing our everyday experiences, getting to know one another, accepting one another, and encouraging the best in one another.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the love of friends that inspire us to be all You would have us to be. Use us to encourage one another and build each other up. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Meditative Reading:  Proverbs 27:17

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Ungodly Soul Ties

2 Feb

In part 2 of the Saved, Single & Satisfied episode of Real Talk w/Terry, host Terry Cato has an in-depth conversation with two female ministers; they discuss ungodly soul ties, do we only have one soul-mate, on-line dating, can you out-grow your spouse and the declining popularity of the single’s ministry in modern day churches.

Bridging the Extrovert-Introvert Gap

28 Jan

By: Lisa Betz

My son and his girlfriend have worked through many differences: ethnic, cultural, and geographic, among others. But the one that seems to challenge them the most is their very different temperaments. She is extroverted. He is introverted.

As an introvert myself, I understand my son’s tendencies, but to his extroverted girlfriend, he can seem insensitive and frustrating. What causes such misunderstandings? The fact that introverts and extroverts come into the relationship with different basic needs, leading to different expectations. Expectations their partner may not understand. At all.

Understanding our different energy requirements

I believe grasping the energy issue may be the number-one key to improving introvert-extrovert relationships. An introvert expends energy while relating to people and needs solitude to recharge. Extroverts are the opposite. They need people-time in order to gain energy. Continue reading

Ask Terry 11-25-15

25 Nov

BlogImage_adviceTime

This one, I saw on a Facebook friend’s page and I couldn’t resist sharing. Basically, there is a young lady involved in a relationship who desires to be married, but has been given a choice: 1) we can get married but no kids or 2) we can have kids but not get married.

This makes absolutely no sense to me. My advice to this young lady is to keep it moving and waste not another day with this guy.  Your thoughts? married-couple 2

Saved – Single – Satisfied

1 Oct

I’m pleased to announce that I recently launched the YouTube channel, Relationships-411 that will compliment this blog. I am humbled and honored at how this journey continues to unfold. Every step of the way God has opened doors and paved the way.

I pray you enjoy this episode of Real Talk w/ Terry where I sit down with Elder Paulette Harper, founder of My Sister’s Keeper Ministries and Pastor Sheyna Heard, Senior Pastor of Rohi Christian Church who discuss being single women in leadership in ministry.

Enjoy!

5 Books Every Single Woman Should Read

16 Jul

I love to read. Every since I can remember, I’ve always had a love of books and a love for reading. One of my favorite places has always been the public library – I’m a nerd, I know! During my season of singleness, I had a lot of time to read and spend time in the library and book stores. At one point, I committed my reading to focus on books about marriage and being a wife. I read many books, the following have a special place in my memory bank and I highly recommend them to single women who desire to be married.

 Book_ThePowerOfAPrayingWife  The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

This book is jam-packed full of advice on praying for specific areas of your husband’s life; areas such as: his work, his sexuality, his temptations, his mind, his fears, and his purpose. If you’re single, you may be wondering, “why am I praying for my husband? I don’t have one yet.” That’s the point, to pray for your husband before he manifest. This is putting faith into action, calling those things that be not as if they were.

  Book_MakingYourHusbandFeelLoved Making Your Husband Feel Loved Compiled by Betty Malz

This book is a collaboration between 20 Christian women who share their secrets for a fresh and exciting marriage. Some of the chapters include: “Little Things Mean a Lot,” “Respect Him,” “Having Fun Together,” and “Encourage Him”. A constant theme in this book is just as the title suggest, “make your husband feel loved”.

Book_LiberatedThroughSubmission   Liberated Through Submission by P.B. Wilson

When I was single, this book was one of my favorites. I’ve read it several times over the years. When you mention the “S” word to many single or married women, it is often met with negative backlash. However, this book opened my eyes to the fact that submission is not a sign of weakness, but of power. And submission is the key to a fulfilling marriage – submission to God’s Word first and foremost.

Book_KnightInShiningArmor   Knight in Shining Armor by P.B. Wilson

This one, another one of my favorites when I was single; I’ve read it several times as well. One of my cousins gave me this book and after reading it, I was compelled to take a vow of celibacy and began preparing myself for my future husband. This book started me on my journey to being a wife.

Cover1   No Longer a Bridesmaid! by Terry Cato

I have a special affection for this title since Yours Truly authored it. I was led to write No Longer a Bridesmaid! after attending a marriage enrichment class at my church. My Pastor’s wife, who knew my testimony of being single, celibate, and believing God for a husband for seven years prior to getting married asked me to share my testimony with the single ladies who were in attendance. On the drive home, the concept for the book was conceived.

There are many books out there both Christian and secular that gives wonderful advice to single ladies and men. When I was single, I don’t remember there being so many books devoted to singles – perhaps that shortage is what fueled the abundance of resources that is now on the market. The aforementioned books don’t begin to even scratch the surface of what is out there. I merely wanted to share a few of my favorites.

Happy reading!

Always a Bridesmaid!

25 Jun

I stumbled upon an article, Being a Bridesmaid has a Price that posed the question, why hasn’t someone written a book, a tell-all about the nuances of being a bridesmaid. I answered in the comment section that I had in fact written my memoir, No Longer a Bridesmaid which is a tell-all of sorts about the highs and lows of being a perpetual bridesmaid. In fact there is a section in the book called “Always a Bridesmaid” that discusses my personal experience as a bridesmaid for several of my close friends, the infamous list that most single women have, and my personal journey of how I prepared myself to become a wife while I was single.

Bridesmaid Image

This book was my first and I self-published it. In retrospect I sometimes wonder, maybe I should have pursued an Agent a bit harder to see if my first book could have been picked up by a big publishing firm; and have a shot at being thrust into the spotlight. In the big scheme of things, I don’t regret self-publishing my book, I do however regret that not very many people know that such an inspirational piece of literature exist. My prayer has always been that despite being a relatively unknown author that my book would be read by those who needed it. I echo the sentiment that was expressed by a small press owner who read my book – to give professional feedback – the only bad thing she could say was that not very many people knew that the book even exist.

Cover1

Being Single is a Choice, Not a Lack of Options

26 Nov

GiveThanks_blogAs we approach the time of year where a lot of couples seem to get engaged and many singles tend to get depressed, I felt compelled to share on the topic of being single. Although I personally am not single, I’m approaching my 10 year wedding anniversary, I can however relate to perhaps every emotion a single adult has felt. From feeling utter disdain at this time of the year, to feeling jubilant at the carefreeness of life and options regarding holiday planning, to feeling indifferent regarding all the merriment.

 

terry411cato

Relationships-411

I can remember a time during my season of singleness where I had to remind myself that my state of being single was not because there were not options for me – that if I really wanted to be in a relationship by all means I could be. I was single by choice because I was preparing myself for something and someone great. When I made the decision to stop dating and begin preparing myself to be a wife and mother to some of my friends this seemed a bit radical. I often got (and still get) the question, “if you are not dating, how will you find a husband?” I responded by saying, “the Word of God says that He that findeth a wife, finds a good thing.” It is not my job to “find” a husband, when I am ready, my husband will find me! And sure enough, when I least expected, a man came along and noticed me.

RelationshipsQuote_blog

The man who would eventually become my husband noticed me volunteering in the youth and children’s ministry at my church. This in and of itself is a miracle, because those who have volunteered in children’s and youth ministries know that these ministry workers are typically the least visible people in the church. He asked me out, I accepted, and was quite surprised to learn that not only did he notice me, but had asked trusted friends and confidents about me before even asking me out.

Cover1Our entire courtship and subsequent engagement is truly a beautiful testimony of what God will do when we allow Him to be the Master of our fate. I detail my 7-year journey of being single, celibate and believing God for husband in the memoir, No Longer a Bridesmaid! In less than 175 pages, I share my personal story of preparing for my God-ordained mate. If you’re looking for an inspirational read this holiday season, I strongly recommend, No Longer a Bridesmaid!

 

Is It Okay for a Woman to Ask a Man to Marry Her?!

1 Aug
Woman asking man to marry her

Marriage Proposal

This photo has caused quite a stir on social media over the past few weeks – a woman on her knees asking her boyfriend to marry her. The original caption and story that accompanied this picture when I first saw it stated that the gentleman had already proposed to the young lady, then at their engagement party, she reciprocated the gesture. All of this aside, and not surprising that after a few shares on Facebook, the original caption and story disappeared and just the image is being shared asking, “is it okay for a woman to propose to a man”.

I’ve actually discussed the issue of a woman pursuing a man, Loveclick for post, and should a woman ask a man to marry her, click for full post in previous blog posts.

What are your thoughts? In this day and age is it okay for a woman to ask a man to marry her?

He’s Not In To You!

24 Jun

Originally posted on digitalromanceinc.com

The following post was originally published March 10, 2014 on another blog that I write for and was so popular that I wanted to re-share it on this blog.

If you’re single and casually dating, expectations or lack of can be pretty clear. However, if you’re dating and have been for a year or more, the lines start to blur and for some ladies they may start wondering, “am I ‘the one’?” Based on personal experience in a relationship and subsequent engagement where we had very differing views of how long the engagement period should last, I offer insight into a situation where a woman may be in a long-term relationship or even engagement and is wondering if she is “the one” who will meet this man at the other end of the altar.

If you are receiving mixed signals from your man that are leaving you wondering if the relationship is going anywhere here are some RED FLAGS to look for:

Red_Flag

1)      There is no clear commitment. Has he verbally committed to the relationship, stating or discussing that the two of you were in fact in a committed relationship or have you been going through the motions of a relationship;

2)      He only comes over at night. We used to call this a “booty call” … not sure what the in word is for this, but if he only comes over to visit late at night and you usually find yourself in the bedroom, well, you are a booty call;

3)      He is not interested in those things that interest you. Does he show interest in those things that are important to you? A man who cares about his woman and has long-term plans for her will show some sign of interest in the things that are important to her. If he doesn’t show interest in those things that are important to you, well he may not be that in to you;

4)      You have not met his parents? Most men will only introduce you to their parents if they have long-term plans for you. If you have not met his parents, well, this could mean that he either is not ready to introduce you to his parents YET or you just may not be “the one”;

5)      You have not met any of his friends? Like parents, a guy typically will only introduce you to his friends if he has long-term plans to have you in his life. If you have not met any of his friends, he may be thinking short-term.

Happy Couples

Some red flags a woman who is casually dating should look for early on if she is trying to determine if a new romance is short-term or has long-term potential are: they have not been on a formal date; brief and/or sporadic communication; he never calls you, you are always calling him; when together, he leaves the room to take phone calls; and there is no public display of affection could all mean that you may be one of many.

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