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Married Couples Have Less Sex 

23 Mar

A recent study says married couples are having less sex. On average 51 times per year, a little more than once per week. This is 9 times less than they did two decades ago. Ironically, the numbers remained steady among unpartnered/unmarried individuals.

Unhappy couple

Read full article here.

To Hook-up or Not to Hook-up…

11 Sep

Just wondering what other Christian women think about the latest media trend about young people hooking-up, or having casual sex? I realize that hooking-up among young people is nothing new, however, I recently learned that hooking-up has slighted changed among this generation of young people. As a relationship writer and advocate for marriage, I was appalled at how mainstream hooking-up has become. Questions that flood my mind include: 1) what happened to wholesome values and young ladies not wanting to be viewed as a loosey goosey, or a whore; 2) is anybody out there concerned with the spread of social diseases and HIV; and 3) has anybody considered the emotional repercussions of “hooking-up”?

college students_2

I have read varying opinions on the hook-up culture and there are some who think the hook-up phenomenon is really an exaggeration – that young people are not hooking up as much as some people think and certainly no more than their predecessors in the 1960’s, 1970’s, 1990’s or 2000’s; and then there are those like me who absolutely believe that young college aged adults and teens are indeed casually hooking up more now-a-days. I recall during my college years in the 1990’s that there were some who “hooked-up” every now and then or went out for what we called “a booty call” but for the most part the desire was to be in a committed relationship. My understanding of relationships now among college students is that hooking up with friends, acquaintances, or even strangers appears to be more socially acceptable than when I was in college.

The attitude towards a committed relationship during my college years was perhaps fueled by the rapid spread of HIV/AIDS and our limited knowledge of the disease and how it was contracted during that time. This was during the time that Magic Johnson revealed that he in fact was HIV positive. While in college, I recall us students actively discussing safe sex practices and monogamous relationships.

Now, some twenty years later – guess I’m dating myself here – I’m quite taken back at young people’s attitude towards hooking-up and casual sex. Is this lackadaisical attitude the result of the fact that most STD’s are treatable and that people are now living longer and stronger with an HIV and AIDS diagnosis? Has pop culture made being loose or as we called it being a whore, something to be proud of? Maybe so, when you think of the number of female celebrities who proudly broadcast the fact that they have made a sex tape or began their career as a stripper and/or exotic dancer and these sorts of revelations have helped propel them into super stardom. And finally, the emotional repercussions of hooking up: is the walk of shame no longer there? Maybe it isn’t, but a recent study has shown the correlation between hooking-up and signs of low self-esteem and depression; with women being negatively affected more often than men.

I’m curious, what do other women in ministry think about this? I’d love to hear.

college students

A hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters focused on physical pleasure without necessarily  including emotional bonding.It is generally associated with Western late adolescent behavior and, in particular, American college culture.The term hookup has an ambiguous definition because it can indicate kissing or any form of physical sexual activity between sexual partners.  Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

SWINGER’S CLUB ANYONE?

1 Feb

A few weeks ago, I briefly watched a portion of a daytime talk show where they were profiling cheating spouses. There was a wife on the show who was tired of the swinger’s lifestyle and wanted out. The husband however, did not want to let go of the lifestyle. At that time, I was not sure how the “swingers’ lifestyle” operated, but this particular couple invited other partners into their marriage for pay. The man stated that he never had relations without his wife being present. And that this was only for pleasure/leisure, he insisted that he was not having an affair with another woman.  The wife was not fully convinced that her husband was not having an affair. After listening to their interview for a few minutes, I was inclined to research the swinger’s lifestyle. And I was quite surprised at how popular this alternative lifestyle is.

Swinging, graduated from wife swapping – a now antiquated term, is defined as non-monogamous behavior among married couples or those in a committed relationship where they have sexual relations with other partners. These hook-ups can take place in informal gatherings, at formal Swinger Club locations or at planned Swinger events. This lifestyle is thought to be born of the 1960s sexual revolution that came about as a result of the birth control pill and better treatment for sexual transmitted diseases. Research conducted since 2000 shows that there are approximately 15 million people who consider themselves Swingers and swing on a regular basis.

I personally do not understand the appeal of opening up your bed of intimacy to other partners. I’ve actually addressed this phenomenon as it relates to marriages in a previous blog post “Open Marriages” (http://terry411cato.com/2012/02/). Some argue that it’s for the excitement, for a change, or as the husband on the talk show for leisure. Me personally, I think opening up the marriage bed to other partners invite in all sorts of problems.

What are your thoughts – what do you say?

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