Hot Relationship Topics

17 Oct

A hot relationship topic that tends to come up every now and then – especially among women is – is it ever okay to date a friend’s ex?

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I’ve always had mixed feelings about this. For me, there is no black or white answer to this question, it’s definitely a shade of gray. I always ask first of all, how close is the friend? Is the person truly a friend, an acquaintance or an associate? If the person is truly someone I consider a close friend, by all means anyone they have ever dated, been romantically involved with and/or been married to is definitely off limits as far as I’m concerned. The second question, I ask, “how long ago was this relationship?” Was this someone they dated in middle or high school, were we kids?! And/or were they involved during our friendship?  For me, to date or not date a friend’s ex, is not just a “no I would NEVER do that”. It’s more of a let me pause and assess the situation and proceed with caution.

Thoughts? Is your ex off-limits to your friends?

Celebrating Love 16

25 Sep

By Joyce M. Jones

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

My husband has undergone numerous health challenges in the past decade of our twenty-six years of marriage. Quite recently, he had a “routine” procedure that nearly cost him his life. There is really no, minimally invasive, “routine” procedure when you are diabetic. A couple of days after the procedure, he was weakened and in pain with chills and a fever. It was apparent that he had an infection. I accompanied him to Urgent Care where it was determined that he had a serious sepsis infection requiring hospitalization.

When I left him at the hospital, I knew he was sick but felt confident that once the antibiotics had taken effect, he would be fine. About 3 a.m., I received a call from the hospital that he would be moved to ICU. They allowed him to speak, his voice was trembling. He expressed that he felt very cold and that he loved me.

At the time, he and my 92-year-old father were in the hospital. I thought the worst, “my God, I didn’t want my story to be that I lost my husband and my dad very close together”. I had heard of such stories, but I did not want it to be mine. God enveloped me in His peace. I prayed that God would spare him; that no matter what, I would trust Him; and that His perfect will be done. I tried to sleep, but of course I couldn’t. I was not worried. I wanted the time to pass so I could see him. He is a Veteran and getting onto a military base hospital isn’t as easy as just driving up to a civilian hospital. I wanted my son to see him, just in case this would be the last time. I phoned the hospital about every hour. At daylight, I gathered my son and we headed to the hospital. The antibiotics were working. God didn’t have to do it, but He did! He spared both my husband and my dad.

Disney couple

You have heard the saying, “you don’t miss your water, ‘til the well runs dry”. Well, that is not me when it comes to my husband. I love him and appreciate him every day. I know I would not be the woman that I am without him. I am so thankful and I realize that our love is truly meant to be a divine union. We were brother and sister in the Lord first, fellowshipping and discovering bible truths; then friends, sharing our everyday experiences, getting to know one another and accepting one another; then husband and wife, sharing love and life, building an amazing family together.

Prayer:  Thank you Lord for my husband and my marriage.

Meditative Reading:  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Is it Okay to Date a Coworker?

5 Sep

I once heard the statement, “don’t keep your honey where you make your money”; translation, don’t have a relationship with someone on your job. The other day, there was a big discussion on one of the local radio stations asking if it was okay to date someone who you work with. Some of the comments were very interesting to say the least. And I was surprised at the number of people who actually had dated someone on their job. For a couple of them, they ended up marrying the person. Career Woman_4

I have personally witnessed office romances and affairs – and none of those ended on nice terms. What are your thoughts? Is it wise or foolish to date someone on your job?

Celebrating Love

22 Aug

Inspired by Joyce M. Jones JoyceJones_headShot

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

My husband has undergone numerous health challenges in the past decade of our twenty-six years of marriage. Quite recently, he had a “routine” procedure that nearly cost him his life. There is really no, minimally invasive, “routine” procedure when you are diabetic. A couple of days after the procedure, he was weakened and in pain with chills and a fever. It was apparent that he had an infection. I accompanied him to urgent care where it was determined that he had a serious sepsis infection requiring hospitalization.
When I left him at the hospital, I knew he was sick but felt confident that once the antibiotics had taken effect, he would be fine. About 3 a.m., I received a call from the hospital that he would be moved to ICU. They allowed him to speak, his voice was trembling. He expressed that he felt very cold and that he loved me.

Box_ILoveU
At the time, he and my 92-year-old father were in the hospital. I thought the worst, “my God, I didn’t want my story to be that I lost my husband and my dad very close together”. I had heard of such stories, but I did not want it to be mine. God enveloped me in His peace. I prayed that God would spare him; that no matter what, I would trust Him; and that His perfect will be done. I tried to sleep, but of course I couldn’t. I was not worried. I wanted the time to pass so I could see him. He is a Veteran and getting onto a military base hospital isn’t as easy as just driving up to a civilian hospital. I wanted my son to see him, just in case this would be the last time. I phoned the hospital about every hour. At daylight, I gathered my son and we headed to the hospital. The antibiotics were working. God didn’t have to do it, but He did! He spared both my husband and my dad. You have heard the saying, “you don’t miss your water, ‘til the well runs dry”. Well, that is not me when it comes to my husband. I love him and appreciate him every day. I know I would not be the woman who I am without him. I am so thankful and I realize that our love is truly meant to be a divine union. We were brother and sister in the Lord first, fellowshiping and discovering bible truths; then friends, sharing our everyday experiences, getting to know one another and accepting one another; then husband and wife, sharing love and life, building an amazing family together.

Prayer:  Thank you Lord for my husband and my marriage.
Meditative Reading:  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Public Shaming: To Shame or Not to Shame

8 Aug

photo1I’ve recently seen these images floating around social media. I’m not sure how effective spousal public shaming is, but I definitely got a laugh out of this.

Your thoughts on a spouse or ex-spouse public shaming the other.

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Netflix & Chill

27 Jul

I recently had the privilege of sitting on a relationship panel and an interesting topic came up, “Netflix and chill”. I must admit, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what this means, however, I was surprised or taken back at how common-place the phenomenon is in the world of dating. As I listened to the dialogue, I was thinking, “I know I’ve been out of the dating world for a while now, but this is borderline ridiculous.”

couple-watching-televisionMy comment was something like this, “is this what the dating world has been reduced to? … Netflix and chill.” Don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are college students who have limited funds and perhaps cannot afford a date; or those who are on limited funds for one reason or another, but Netflix and chill is modern-day language for what we used to call a “booty-call”, which meant when you got a call in the middle of the night to visit someone’s house, you knew what was up.

This being said, my interpretation of Netflix and chill is just that, a modern-day booty call or has dating been reduced to this? Comments welcome.

A Divine Union in the Making

13 Jul

Inspired By Joyce M. Jones

JoyceJones_headShot

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.” Ecclesiastes 4:9

It’s been nearly twenty-seven years ago – we enjoyed each other’s company enough for me to ask him to escort me to my ten-year high school reunion. At our church, he had become quite the reliable photographer. Willingly accepting the task of escort/picture taker, he escorted me to the reunion with his camera secured around his neck. We took the commemorative photograph together. The reunion photographer insisted that we stand close to each other. That’s the first time we embraced, though mechanical, it seemed very natural. I didn’t see him for most of the evening, I mingled with classmates while he took pictures. A few days after the reunion, he presented me with a photo album of nearly 100 pictures. I saw people in the photos that I didn’t recall seeing face- to-face. How thoughtful! couple 15

Of course I’m talking about my, now, husband of twenty-five years. The foundation of a good marriage is laid long before you say “I do”. It begins with a commitment to God; we were committed to God as individuals, growing and maturing in Him; brother and sister in the Lord, fellowshipping. We enjoyed each other’s company and started building a friendship by sharing our everyday experiences, and getting to know one another. I am so thankful for all that happened to bring us together in a divine union.

Box_ILoveU
Prayer:  Thank you Lord for the gift of love, the gift of friendship, and the blessing of our marriage. We give you praise for the joy and the love you have poured into our hearts.
Meditative Reading:  Galatians 5:22-23

Where is my Jesse Williams?! 

29 Jun

Before you start asking, “where is my Jesse Williams?” Let’s get a couple of things straight.  We can all agree, Jesse Williams is the truth. He’s smart, intelligent, hella-handsome (a word I made up) and most importantly hella-woke, a word I modified. My generation would say he’s “conscious” – the millenials say, “woke” however you say it, he’s definitely a breath of fresh air.

Since his acceptance speech at the BET Awards this past Sunday, social media has been lit with all things Jesse Williams. We’ve seen everyone and their cousin’s mama posting clips of his speech, the many images of his wife along with the harsh scrutiny, to droves of females lamenting “where is MY Jesse Williams?” This reminded me of the whole “where is my Aesha Curry” mess that was circulating on social media a few months ago.

The cold hard truth is that you don’t have a “Jesse Williams” because you would not know how to treat a Jesse Williams, and/or you’re not on the same level intellectually or consciously as a Jesse Williams. Maybe in the past, you have dated a Jesse Williams but he was boring because he didn’t party and club but was focused on his education, career, and future so you didn’t see  yourself in a committed long-term relationship with him, there was no passion, you needed excitement; perhaps you misused a Jesse Williams because he was “too nice” when in reality he simply respected you and treated you like a lady; perhaps you overlooked your Jesse Williams because he lacked swag and he wasn’t light-skinned with green eyes, you were too focused on the superficial that you missed out on a man with a heart of gold simply because he looked a certain way.

So ladies, there could be a number of reasons why you don’t have a Jesse Williams, and the first order of business is a self-assessment. Make an honest assessment of yourself (inward as well as outward) and you decide where is your Jesse Williams and why hasn’t he manifested.

I actually talk about my “season of preparation”; the 7 years that I was single, celibate and believing God for a husband in my book No Longer a Bridesmaid! which can be found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other book retail sites. Yes, a shameless book plug about an easy read that I guarantee will enlighten and bless you. This book is for all the single ladies who are done dating and waiting and desire to be married. If you’re single and content with mingling, I wish you all the best!

Real Talk w/Terry: Relationships 101, Part 2

23 Jun

I’m excited to share part 2 of my panel discussion with co-eds at San Jose State University. I truly enjoyed my time interviewing the students; we talked about everything from the Tinder app and the perceived hook-up culture of  millennial’s to should they date someone with kids.

Enjoy!

And FOLLOW the Relationships-411 Real Talk w/Terry YouTube channel.

Why Cheat?

10 Jun

I read something on social media the other day, where a person posed the following question, “why do men cheat with a woman who has a nasty house with a Raid bottle behind the sofa?!” Another person responded, “because men are looking for a good lay and women are looking for an upgrade when they cheat.” Wow!…

IMG_7860(1)I don’t know if this theory is true, but it certainly made me laugh out loud; or as the younger generation says, “it made me LOL.” All jokes aside, is this true? In situations that I know of where men have cheated on good women, this seemed true. That the men were cheating down – messing over a good woman for trash. And the opposite seemed to be true for women. In situations where the woman cheated, it was usually for someone who treated her better than the man she was with.

Your thoughts. Do men cheat down and women cheat up? no-cheating

 

 

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