Tag Archives: Family

Do You Know Who Your Family Member is Dating?

1 Sep

By: Alice Curt

When someone in your family starts dating, you want to know if he/she is making the right choice and their safety is not compromised. But with technology enabled modern dating, that can be difficult to guarantee.

Online Dating
Nowadays, it’s not uncommon for people to meet and form relationships online. In fact, Esquire mentioned that young adults and 55-65 year olds are the most active users of online dating services. As this convenient way of meeting people started to take off, new dangers have also appeared. There are people who create fake profiles to scam others. Harassment is also a real risk as well as identity theft or fraud. These potential scenarios make it hard not to ask about a family member’s dating life. That’s why Relationships-411 previously listed apps that guardians should know about.

What To Do
In spite of our protective nature, it’s important that you give your loved one enough space. Reality-based dating shows have influenced us to be curious of other people’s romantic lives. The Bachelor, for instance, is still running strong after 22 seasons. The British series Love Island is another program with the same goal, as contestants in the show aim to find romance. Ladbrokes notes that the latest season’s most loved couple are Jack Fincham and Dani Dyer. They are a perfect example of having limits on prying into a family member’s relationship. Dani’s father, actor Danny Dyer, anonymously asked about the private details of his daughter’s relationship on the radio. Thankfully, Dani didn’t kiss and tell. If shows like the aforementioned still pique our interest in strangers’ dating lives, it’s not hard to understand why people would want to know about their loved ones’ relationships, especially if it will help keep them safe.

US News suggests striking a balance between talking and listening, making sure not to impose your own feelings on your loved one. Trust their judgment and that you’ve taught them well about the dangers of modern dating. Unless the person they’re dating is outright putting them in harm’s way, just be supportive of who they choose to be with.

About Alice: Tech enthusiast. Gamer. Blogger. Music Lover.

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Paper Chase: My Interview with Author Honey Reed

28 May

Why We Hate Mama’s Boys, but Love Daddy’s Girls

31 Jan

mother-infant son
A couple of months ago I read a Facebook post that asked, “Is it good for mothers to raise their sons to be a mama’s boy, why or why not?” Then someone chimed in and deepened the conversation by saying that they did not feel that mama’s should baby their sons, but daddy’s babying and nurturing their daughters to be daddy’s girls was okay. After scrolling through all the comments, the consensus was that mothers’ raising their sons to be a mama’s boy was not good; and there was a split between the girls – some thought that it was okay for fathers to baby their daughters to be daddy’s girls and others who thought this as well was a bad idea.

What exactly is a mama’s boy – a daddy’s girl? Simply put, a mama’s boy is a term used to describe a man who is excessively attached to his mother. This is not to be confused with a close mother-son bond, but a man who is overly dependent on his mom. A daddy’s girl on the other hand is basically the same thing, but involves a father and his daughter. There seems to be less of a negative connotation associated with daddy’s girls than mama’s boys – this is not surprising if you consider that there are many women who will proudly refer to themselves as a “daddy’s girl” and wear the title like a badge of honor; but call a man a mama’s boy, he will most likely be highly offended.father_infant daughter

Why the differing attitude towards the two considering the concept is the same? Could it be society’s view towards masculinity and femininity, gender and roles? In American (and all that I know of) society, the male is the provider, the protector, the giver – for some, the idea of a man being anything less is repulsive. On the other hand, the female in society is viewed as someone who needs to be protected, a receiver, and in early society – one who NEEDED a provider; times have changed and so have gender roles in society. Thus, we end up with the blurred line of what is appropriate relationship boundaries between mothers and their adult sons and fathers and their adult daughters rooted in societal beliefs but viewed through modern eyes. I devoted a chapter in my book, No Longer a Bridesmaid! to the “daddy’s little girl” syndrome.

father_teen daughter

What do you think?! Why do we hate mama’s boys, but love daddy’s girls?

What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas?

24 Dec

ImageTis the season to be jolly
But how can I be when I have nobody
The yuletide carol doesn’t make it better
Knowing that we won’t be together

A silent night, I know it’s gonna be
Joy to the world but it’s gonna be sad for me

What do the lonely do at Christmas?
Oh, what do the lonely do at Christmas time?

The children can play with their new toys
While their little hearts burst open with joy
And lovers can kiss beneath the mistletoes
The choirs can sing those glorious songs of old

But what is left, oh, for me to do
Now that it’s Christmas and I don’t have you

What do the lonely do at Christmas?
Oh, what do the lonely do at Christmas time?

Oh, what do the lonely do at Christmas?
What do the lonely do at Christmas?
Oh, what do they do, what do they do at Christmas? Ooh, what do they do, what do they do at Christmas?

Oh, what do the lonely do at Christmas?
What do the lonely do at Christmas?
Oh, what do they do, what do they do at Christmas?

Songwriters
BANKS, HOMER / HAMPTON, CARL MITCHELL

Published by
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

sad woman

Are you once again singing, “What do the lonely do at Christmas?” This time of the year can be extremely difficult for individuals who are single and/or don’t have close family near them to spend the holidays with. The recent news story about a young lady near Sacramento California really touched my heart. She posted an ad on Craigslist for a family to spend Christmas day with. She offered to pay $8.00 an hour for their time. I was moved to tears listening to her story thinking that even though my family tree has a few nuts, that I am truly blessed to have family to spend the holidays with and can’t imagine not spending every holiday with my family of fruit cakes.

After posting her ad, this young lady was overwhelmed with responses from people offering to spend Christmas day with her – free of charge. Additionally, she received many responses from other young people who much like her did not have family to spend the holiday with. As a result, she organized a meet and greet event where she paired young people who had nowhere to go for Christmas with a family who offered to open their home and host a guest. She not only found someone for herself to spend Christmas with, but she also helped several other young people find families to spend Christmas with as well. I tell you, this is the Christmas spirit in its purest form – giving to those in need without getting anything in return.

Oftentimes, those of us who are fortunate to have family around tend to take for granted the importance of having family in our lives; and we forget about those who have no family to spend the holidays with. I encourage everyone who has family to spend Christmas day with to embrace a single person and invite them over for dinner. This could mean the world to that person who may not have anywhere to go on Christmas day.

volunteer_food bank

If you are single and find that you have no one to share Christmas day with, but would like to, I suggest that you find other single individuals who may not have plans and do a potluck style meal then enjoy a movie as a group, or play games. Even if you only get together for dessert and games do something social with other people. You can also volunteer at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen that is open on Christmas day to feed the less fortunate; whatever you choose to do, please choose to not spend the day alone feeling sorry for yourself.

Merry Christmas!

Where is the Oogielove?

26 Aug

Since I’ve had kids, I’ve been asking myself, “where has the romance in my marriage gone?” I’m sure parents with small kids can relate to this – prior to having children, there is a level of intimacy between husband and wife – after children, just getting to bed at the same time is a treat. I’ll use this time to reiterate to those of us who have small children, make time for your spouse! Don’t get so wrapped up in the kids that you forget to spend quality time with your spouse. I’m preaching to the choir here. Don’t have your spouse asking, “where is the Oogielove?”

Some of you may be asking, “what exactly is Oogielove?” I’m glad you asked. I wish this was some sort of endearing phrase that I had thought of to call the intimate time between my husband and me when we have gotten the kids off to sleep and have some quality time to ourselves – well it’s not. Last week, I had the awesome privilege of attending a movie premiere, with the kids, to see a new “G” rated movie titled “The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure.”

Prior to the movie showing the kids participated in Camp Oogie where they saw movie clips, learned the Oogie Cheer and dance and decorated their own lunch bag. Us parents, bloggers, and members of the press were escorted to a continental breakfast and had the opportunity to chat with Kenn Viselman, Producer and Visionary for the movie.

Image

The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure is an interactive movie experience for children and their families. The film follows the Oogieloves: Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie as they set out on a special adventure in LovelyLoveville. This movie is unique in that it encourages and allows the children to stand up and dance and sing at various points in the movie. This is quite different from how our children have  been taught to conduct themselves in a movie theater. My observation was that some of the children were a little hesitant initially when encouraged to get out of their seats and do the Oogie Cheer – after a few times, all reservations had disappeared.

During our talk time with producer and visionary, he stated that the basis of the movie and characters is to promote love; to demonstrate conflict without evil and violence. His goal was to bring a more appropriate “G” rated film to the marketplace.  He also shared how the idea of an interactive movie for kids came about as a result of him seeing a Tyler Perry movie where movie goers were talking back at the movie. The audience members talking back to the movie was quite shocking to him, a white male, in attendance at a movie where the movie goers were a predominately black audience.  From that experience, the idea to create an interactive kid’s movie where children can dance, move and be children at the movies; have a show type experience at a movie that is a fraction of the cost came to fruition.

Image

Overall, I thought the movie was a home run. The characters are kid friendly, the setting in the town of LovelyLoveville is quaint , cute and charming. And the cast includes first class entertainers such as: Toni Braxton, Cloris Leachman, Christopher Lloyd, and Jamie Pressly.  Don’t be surprised if at the end of the 88 minute movie run you are chanting the Oogie Cheer.

For additional information, check out the website, http://www.oogieloves.com

Movie Trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1kVrIkDW6Q

A New Year ~ A Fresh Start

21 Jan

We have officially sealed 2011 and are well into the first month of 2012. With every new year, should come a fresh start. A lot of people re-evaluate their lives at the end of the year and use this time to eliminate and energize. Leading most to make New Year’s resolutions at the end of the year by committing to doing or not doing one thing to be better in the new year. As a result, at the beginning of the new year, most of us feel refreshed and renewed; out with the old, in with the new.

The ancient Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts.

The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named.

In the Medieval era, the knights took the “peacock vow” at the end of the Christmas season each year to re-affirm their commitment to chivalry.

At watchnight services, many Christians prepare for the year ahead by praying and making these resolutions.

There are other religious parallels to this tradition. During Judaism’s New Year, Rosh Hashanah, through the High Holidays and culminating in Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), one is to reflect upon one’s wrongdoings over the year and both seek and offer forgiveness. People may act similarly during the Christian fasting period of Lent, though the motive behind this holiday is more of sacrifice than of  responsibility, in fact the practice of New Year’s resolutions partially came from the Lenten sacrifices. The concept, regardless of creed, is to reflect upon self-improvement annually. Source: Wikipedia

If you haven’t already what better time to re-evaluate the relationships in your life. For married couples periodic re-evaluation is extremely important. After couples have been together for a significant amount of time, things change – people change. The person you married, may not be the same person that you are currently married to. As time passes, most people actually grow up and their values change. With time, many couples settle into complacency and routine, which often leads to boredom.

A few things married couples can do to re-evaluate their relationship is to openly discuss family and personal goals and make sure that their goals are still aligned with one another; discuss the current state of their family and marriage ensuring that both partners are happy with where they are and if not what steps will be taken to get on the road to happy; and lastly discuss their intimacy and sex life making sure that there is fulfillment for both.

I once heard the saying that people in our lives either add to it, subtract from it, multiply, or divide. As this relates to marriage, this is a new year and the perfect time to re-evaluate those things that subtract from, divide and negatively affect our marriage and start anew.

COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

26 Nov

There is clearly a blessing in being able to effectively communicate and being on one accord with your spouse. So much so that in the bible in Genesis 11:5-8, the people of the land communicated using the same language began to build a tower that would reach to the heavens. Their actions resulted in God confusing the language, because nothing would be impossible to them who speak on one accord.

Communication in marriage or lack thereof has been cited for years as one of the primary reasons for divorce. Being able to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings to your spouse is not only necessary to make a marriage work, but essential to maintain a harmonious household. Furthermore, good communication skills are necessary in every aspect of life.

For those who have issues communicating with your spouse whether it be difficulty expressing your thoughts or difficulty being a good listener there are some things you can do to become a better communicator. Listed below are a few tips to effectively communicating with your spouse:

  • Take time each day to talk to each other.
  • Openly talk to the other person, and actively listen.
  • Express feelings without getting angry.
  • Don’t be mean.
  • Don’t give advice, unless asked for it.
  • Watch your tone of voice.
  • Don’t jump to conclusions.
  • Don’t interrupt.

In closing remember that “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24 (NKJV)

Kim K’s 20.5 kt Wedding Ring

12 Nov

There has been much talk since Kim Kardashian announced that she had filed for divorce from her husband Kris Humphries after only 72 days of marriage. Most of the gossip has been about her lavish 20.5-carat wedding ring which is a 16.5-carat emerald cut center stone set between two 2-carat trapezoids. Considering the short duration of the marriage and the cost of the ring, should she give the ring back? Is it right that she keeps the ring after only 72 days of marriage?


The line tends to be pretty clear concerning the etiquette of giving back an engagement ring if the bride or groom-to-be calls off the wedding, however, the water gets muddy in a situation where the wedding actually happens, but the marriage is short lived as in the Kardashian situation. Many are saying she should give the ring AND her wedding gifts back.
Regarding the engagement ring, apparently there is a prenuptial agreement between Kim K. and Kris Humphries; if Kim wants to keep the ring – sounds like she does – she will have to pay Kris the original purchase price, a reported $2 million. As for the wedding gifts, Kim K. has reportedly donated their gifts to the Dream Foundation, a charity which grants wishes to terminally ill adults. This donation unbeknownst to Kris … the marriage really was over before it even started!

Is It Ever Okay to Lie in A Marriage?

2 Nov

I recently had a discussion with someone who has the belief that ALL relationships have some measure of deceit. I asked the person why they felt that way; they explained that after reflecting on past relationships of their own and observing the failed relationships of others, came this conclusion. I don’t agree with this stance that ALL relationships are  deceitful. The act or practice of deceiving is defined as concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; or cheating. So to say that ALL relationships are deceitful is a strong statement.  This conversation did give me food for thought for this blog and that is – is it ever okay to lie in a marriage? If so, when?

There is research that shows that the average person lies at least two times per day – that is if they are telling the truth about how often they lie (smile). Experts on the subject assert that a little “white lie” here and there is not harmful if the intent is not to save the person telling the white lie. For example, many parents tell their children that there is a Santa  Claus, Easter Bunny, and/or Tooth Fairy – these are all lies, but the intent is not to save the person telling the lie therefore no harm, no foul. A researcher shared a much deeper example such as, what if you were in Germany and the Nazis came knocking at your door and asked if you were hiding Jews, you answer, “no I’m not” when you really are. In this example, most everyone would agree that this blatant lie is okay considering the situation and that you are saving someone else’s life.

As it relates to marriage, most would agree that it is never okay to lie to your spouse although many do. How many times has a wife asked a husband, “honey does this dress make me look fat?” and the husband responds, “no” when he’s thinking otherwise. This could be considered a little white lie that is told to protect the feelings of the wife. On the other hand much deeper issues such as money, debt, and having an affair are issues in marriage where lying is
almost always detrimental to the marriage.

There appears to be two different thought processes regarding telling lies. The occasional white lie that is free from selfish motive is okay, however, lying about more serious issues is in a marriage or relationship is not acceptable. So, is it ever okay to lie in a marriage? If so, when? I want to hear from you.

HELP! I Married Mrs./Mr. Wrong

18 Oct

For most people their wedding day is one that they  will never forgot. It doesn’t matter if there was some sort of mishap or if the day went off without a glitch, most have fond memories of the day they exchanged  nuptials. For those of us who are married –and have been for any number of  years – know that after every wedding comes a marriage.

For some couples their marriage has its share of ups  and downs; for other couples they unfortunately realize sooner rather than later that they married Mrs./Mr. Wrong! We all know them, the people who were married for what some term a “hot minute.”

One such person that I spoke with who was married  for one year, and knew her husband for one year prior to marrying, stated that she soon realized there were major issues in the marriage when he would not accept her children from a prior relationship. Her ex-husband made no effort at all to have a relationship with her children. For this person, not accepting her children was a deal breaker – she felt the marriage was not worth saving. Her advice to those desiring to be married is to seek God first, pray and meditate before marrying anyone.

My advice to anyone desiring to be married is to first of all work on becoming the best you that you can be, second as my interviewee stated seek God for direction and guidance, third keep your options open – sometimes what we need is not always what we want, and lastly during the dating phase of your relationship with anyone you are strongly considering marrying, use that time to collect data.

The dating period should be the time when you find out as much about a person as you can. Such as do you have the same views on religion, money, sex, child rearing, and career goals/aspirations. During this time nothing should be off limits for discussion. If a potential mate wants to continue delaying a particular topic, proceed with caution, this is a potential red flag.

My advice to those who are currently in a marriage and they feel as if they married the wrong person is to seek out marital counseling; bring in an unbiased third party to help you sort out your problems. Some marriages are not salvageable, however, there are many that are, this will mandate that both partners put their pride and egos aside and do what is best for their marriage in the long run.

In situations where a marriage can be saved, both partners must agree on the course of action they will take to make the marriage work.

Additional Resources:

http://www.counsel-search.com/resources.aspx

http://www.strongmarriagenow.com/FixYourMarriage/?gclid=CKu56J3m8asCFR5CgwodjmHRKA

http://www.marriagesherpa.com/marriage_report/optin/4238?pid=www.counsel-search.com&cid=5316070170&gclid=CK27lM3m8asCFSVpgwodyRquIg

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