Tag Archives: inspiraton

All Male Bachelorettes for One Bride 

3 Jun

Some things are static when it comes to weddings. The bride will wear a white dress; there’s something borrowed, something new and something blue. But what is a bride to do when she realizes that all of her closest friends are men?!

Check out what this Engineering student did.

Full Story:

http://www.insideedition.com/headlines/23494-engineering-student-with-no-female-friends-has-all-male-bridesmaids

Good Guys Finish Last

18 Jan

A few days ago, I was watching my favorite version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory starring Gene Wilder. As each of the Golden Tickets were found, I found myself feeling a sense of disappointment and let down as if I was Charlie and in the movie. Thinking “perhaps, Charlie is feeling the same way as I do that all of the children who found golden tickets appear to be either spoiled rotten, ungrateful and/or entitled”.   After it was determined that the 5th ticket found was a fraud, sheer luck – and perhaps fate – allowed Charlie to be the final child who found a golden ticket. Oh how my heart jumped for joy thinking, “yes! A good humble kid will get to tour the chocolate factory!”

charlie-and-the-chocolate-factoryOftentimes, art imitates life and life imitates art. As I watched this movie, I thought to myself how often this plot line in a movie actually happens in real life. That the very people who seem ungrateful and entitled seem to always have good things happen to them; and those who seem to need “a break or a chance” almost never find those golden ticket moments in life.  As I continued watching the movie, and each of the 4 rotten kids met untimely exits from the factory tour before it is over, I again compare this phenomenon to real life that quite often those who are given golden opportunities and are unappreciative and ungrateful for the opportunity that they have been given will often time find themselves make a premature exit from or squander the opportunity.

There are countless professional athletes – too many to name – who fit this bill. They were given amazing opportunities to play professional sports, made millions of dollars, only to find themselves bankrupt shortly after retiring from the league. I’m also reminded of a young lady who received a college scholarship to attend one of the top institutions in the Nation – an Ivy League University. Instead of being appreciative of the opportunity she had been given, she somehow got involved with drug dealers and a murder – was subsequently kicked out of school, lost her scholarship, and sentenced to prison. There are countless athletes who are probably just as good as or better than some guys who made it to the big leagues but for one reason or another were not afforded the opportunity to play at the professional level or other students who were probably just a qualified for the scholarship but were not chosen, who would have greatly benefited from a scholarship to an Ivy League institution and would have not only been appreciative of this amazing and rare opportunity but would have used it to change the course of their lives and not end up worse than when they started.

That being said, I’m hopeful with the way Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ended. The story ended with Charlie, the good guy, inheriting the Chocolate Factory and being able to have his entire family live with him – what an amazing blessing! I know, this is a story, a mere fairy tale. But quite often, life imitates art and art imitates life.

I recall being single, and I remember a time when it seemed as if all the good men were either married or attached;  and thinking what slim pickings there are in the single men pool. I knew that there were “good guys” out there but I seemed to rarely come across any who were available. After going through heart-break and disappointment, I kept the faith knowing that when true love manifested itself, I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had indeed blessed!

There are plenty of “Charlie’s” out there who were given a golden opportunity in life and they made the most of it. I know, I’m one of them!

Couple of the Week – June Recap

1 Jul

These are the lovely couples that were featured in June as Couple of the Week. They all shared great marriage nuggets and wisdom.

Darryl-EveLynnDarryl & Eve-Lynn

Darryl and Eve-Lynn just celebrated three years of marital bliss on May 26, 2015.

Word of Wisdom to Couples: “If there is advice to be given to married couples, it would be this, first follow the fruit of the Spirit. Then listen – listen to what is being said and how it is being said.”

Michael-Alice

Michael & Alice

Married August 19, 2000

Michael and Alice have been married for 14 years. Their words of wisdom for a newly married couple: “I have discovered that understanding my personality type helps me communicate effectively with my husband. Wow! I should’ve taken that test 11 years ago! I urge newly-weds to save themselves years of frustration, communication breakdowns and personality clashes by taking a personality test sooner rather than later. Even if your spouse won’t commit to taking the test, take it for yourself and learn about personality dynamics and be flexible to prevent severe taxation on your marriage.”

PastorAndre-FayeButler

Pastors Andre & Faye Butler

The couple recently celebrated 39 years of marriage this past April. They stated, “the key to our success [in marriage] is persevering during the hard times which allows us to enjoy the good times now.”

If you would like to be featured as our Couple of the Week, email info@terrycato.com and put Couple of the Week in the email header. Include a picture of you and your spouse and 2-3 sentences sharing a piece of advice or wisdom with other couples.

Loving Your Spouse through a Chronic Illness

22 Apr

When a couple recites their wedding vows and repeats the line “in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part”. I’m sure rarely, if ever, do they think that they may actually find themselves or their spouse suffering from a chronic illness. They like many of us, go through the motions of the moment without fully considering the “what if”. Someone very close to me, my husband’s sister recently received a kidney transplant. Everyone close to her was simply overwhelmed with joy because what we had been praying and believing God for had finally happened! Prior to receiving her transplant, my sister-in-law had been on dialysis for over 10 years. After numerous hospital stays, medical procedures and doctor’s visits she finally got the call that so many never receive – that there was a donor. One person’s tragedy – another person’s blessing.

I asked my sister-in-law and her husband to share with couples words of wisdom and encouragement should they find themselves in a situation where they are either battling a chronic illness or married to someone who is. Continue reading

FACEBOOK RUINED MY MARRIAGE

10 Oct

Recent research has shown that 20% of divorcees have  listed “Facebook” or some other form of social networking as the reason for  their divorce; counselors have also noted that an increasing number of couples seeking marital counseling have cited Facebook as a major problem in their relationship. A New Jersey pastor who has counseled more than 20 couples who say Facebook has caused problems in their marriage has asked his parishioners to either delete their Facebook accounts or create a family page; he also asked 50 married officials at his church to delete their Facebook account or resign.

Some feel as though social networking, Facebook in particular, does not ruin marriages – people ruin their own marriages. That whether there be a Facebook or not some people would cheat regardless – once a cheater, always a cheater.

I found several couples who blame their divorce and/or marital problems specifically on Facebook. One lady shared that her husband “friended” an ex-girlfriend from high school; and began having an affair with this woman. The wife found out about the affair after the husband cheated on and left the ex-girlfriend for someone else he had become friends with on Facebook. The couple is currently going through a divorce. A spouse cheating on their wife or husband with an ex-girl/boyfriend from high school has repeated itself more times than I care to mention. Then there is the gentleman who at the urging of his wife set-up a Facebook account and sent a friend request to his wife. The wife accepted the friend request, but blocked her friend list – the husband questioned this and the wife became very defensive refusing to unblock her friend list. The wife eventually deactivated her Facebook account.  The husband now feels as if his wife was hiding something from him. And finally, there are those who excessively spend hours on the internet chatting or are on Facebook, neglecting their spouse. Many spouses expressed a concern that the excessive time that their spouse spends on Facebook could be spent with them.

After hearing of the problems these couples were having, I compiled a list of tips for married couples who use Facebook.

Facebook etiquette for married couples:

1) Do not friend an ex-girl/boyfriend.
This one seems like a no brainer. However, some people may feel as if there is  no harm in Facebook friending a person they have dated – I caution against  this, this seems to be the common thread shared by those spouses who learn of  their partner’s infidelity connected to Facebook; the spouse befriended an old  girl/boyfriend.

2) Do not feel obligated to friend  everyone from your past. Some people are in your past for a  reason; it’s okay to leave them there – don’t feel obligated to accept a friend  request from someone in your past who you feel has no place in your present or  future.

3) Do not friend people you don’t know.
Once again, this one seems like a no brainer, however, some people have/do  friend people who they don’t know because they either share friends or have  common interests. I again caution against this. You may friend them as a nice  gesture not knowing what the person’s ulterior motives are – unfortunately some people use social networking sites such as Facebook as a breeding ground for  finding companionship – you don’t want to be a target – there are some who  could care less that a person is married.

4) Don’t flirt.
Never ever flirt with someone who is not your spouse. A little flirting here and there might seem  meaningless to some – however, this is the door that has led to many  affairs.

5) Allow your spouse full access to  your Facebook page. In a marriage there should be full  disclosure always. Even if you have nothing to hide, limiting your spouse’s access to your Facebook page just seems suspicious. I agree that there should  be trust in a marriage, this goes both ways – your spouse should trust you enough to not care about having full access to your page and vice versa, and you should be open and honest enough to offer your spouse full access to your page.

6) Limit your time on Facebook. Be cognizant of the time you spend on the internet and Facebook. I have said more than once, a huge time waster is Facebook. If you find yourself complaining that you do not have enough time in the day to do what needs to be done, take a break from Facebook and observe how much time you might have to do other things.

I realize that there are still those who believe that Facebook and other social networking sites is not responsible for the  demise of so many marriages, however, I say the proof is in the pudding which are the recent divorce decrees that specifically list “Facebook” as having caused and/or contributed to the reason for the divorce.

ATTENTION MEN: Don’t Marry A Career Woman!

3 Oct

http://www.businessweek.com/managing/content/mar2009/ca20090327_067541.htm

I recently read an Article, “Career Women at Midlife: Sicker and Sadder.”  The article discussed one woman who at the peak of her career and personal life found herself in a state of unhappiness and unhealthiness. In her words, “life was becoming impossible and intolerable, …” The article also asserted that the last 50 years have afforded women greater opportunities, achievement, influence and more money. The down side, over the same time period, women have become less happy, in addition to being more anxious and stressed; consequently medicating
themselves as a result.

Wow, that’s deep! In summary, the article basically asserted that with better education and opportunities, women have become less happy.

Reading this article conjured up memories of another article, “Don’t Marry Career Women” that I had read previously that was met with much criticism from career women. http://www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-divorce_cx_mn_land.html

This article cited several studies that in summary stated that men who were married to career women, were more likely to have a bad marriage and get a divorce. Reasons being the career woman being more likely to cheat on her spouse and less likely to have children and if she does is more likely to be unhappy about having had children; that the career woman will be unhappy if she makes more money than her spouse; that her husband is more likely to fall ill and that the career woman’s house is more likely to be dirty. The article didn’t stop there – further research was cited that stated that career women who quit their jobs to stay at home with their children will
be unhappy.

To sum up the research that is out there concerning married career women, one would think being married to a career woman is a one way ticket to divorce court. I believe that the exact opposite is true; being married to a career
woman does not have to mimic anything that research studies have asserted. Married couples who have children and both partners work outside of the home must realize that any traditional thinking concerning chores and housekeeping will not work.  When both partners work outside of the home, there must be mutual agreement on who will do what chores. Regarding the infidelity or cheating assumption, I do respect that research, however I do not fully agree with the results. There are many theories concerning what drives someone to cheat on their spouse – primary theory being that there is some sort of unmet need in the marriage and I’m unsure if there is any correlation between unmet needs and having a career; although I’m sure some would argue that career women may be absorbed by their job, kids, life and therefore put their spouse last perhaps prompting the husband to have an affair. However, knowing this the career woman must conscientiously decide that her husband is a priority always.

Additionally, the views concerning women and money and the husband being the primary bread winner have been debunked in recent years. With the past recession and sluggish economy, more men are finding themselves out of work or under employed and the wife is the primary bread winner. As a result more couples are now okay with women earning more than their spouse. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33196583/ns/business-careers/t/rising-number-women-earn-more-mates/

The last few decades have seen a record number of women obtain their degree and enter the workforce – that being said, men it will be quite a challenge to NOT marry a career woman. My advice to those men who harbor traditional views of marriage and a woman’s role in marriage is to reevaluate your thinking process and in short GET WITH THE TIMES! This is the 21st century and a woman’s expected place is no longer in the home barefeet and pregnant.

WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

23 Sep

What do these women have in common: Taylor Armstrong,  Rihanna, Nicole Brown Simpson, Tina Turner, Farah Fawcett, and maybe even you? If  you follow celebrity news, you know the answer, domestic violence, because their  relationship problems have been and regarding Taylor Armstrong is currently in  the national news.

Domestic violence is an evil that does not discriminate; it crosses racial, economic, social and cultural boundaries.
Unfortunately many women suffer in silence and shame. I was motivated to write this blog as a result of the Nancy O’Dell interview with Taylor Armstrong, the Beverly Hills housewife who has come forward and is openly talking about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her now deceased husband. For those who follow the show, you know that her husband recently committed suicide. Taylor stated that she is telling her story because she wants to encourage other
victims of domestic abuse and let them know that they are not alone. Isolation is no friend of a victim of domestic violence – yet many victims often suffer in silence, are ashamed and alone; their friends and family not knowing that
they are even being abused.

One in four women (25%) has experienced domestic violence in her
lifetime.

(The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and The National Institute
of Justice, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, July
2000. The Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998
Survey of Women’s Health, 1999)

Domestic violence is a sensitive issue for me – I
have early memories of my own mother being the victim of an abusive
relationship. At the tender age of seven, I had the number to the local police
department memorized knowing that at any hour of the night or day, I may have
to call the police to come and restore peace in our house. I still have vivid
memories of many “morning afters” having to help my mom nurse her wounds
because she was too ashamed or too afraid to seek medical care. As a result of
the domestic violence that I witnessed at search an early age, a definite deal
breaker for me in a relationship is verbal, mental, and/or physical abuse.

In a national survey of American families, 50% of the men who frequently assaulted their
wives also frequently abused their children.

(Strauss, Murray A, Gelles, Richard J., and Smith, Christine. 1990.
Physical Violence in American Families; Risk Factors and Adaptations to
Violence in 8,145 Families. New Brunswick: Transaction Publishers)

For some women, domestic abuse is a relationship deal breaker; however there are many women who endure years of abuse. It’s easy for someone not in the same predicament of the abuse victim to say, “she should
just leave him;” this is much easier said than done. Walking away from an abusive relationship is never easy. Many victims of abuse stay in the relationship out of fear; fear of retaliation, fear of further harm or violence, perhaps
even fear of being alone. Many abuse victims are being controlled financially, and have been isolated from their family.

No woman should have to suffer in silence. There is
support for victims of domestic violence.

www.abusedwomen.org/resources

www.womenlawyers.com/domestic

www.heart-2-heart.ca/women

National Domestic Violence Hotline,
1-800-799-SAFE

9-11-01: A Day I Will Never Forget

11 Sep

Every 9-11, I take the time to reflect on what I was doing on 9-11-01, the day America was attacked. I remember waking up early preparing to travel to Atlanta for business. Like every morning, I was watching the local early morning news. I was in the bathroom combing my hair – when a news flash interrupted the local news and announced that a plane had crashed into one of the twin towers at the world trade center in New York City. I left the bathroom and was standing in front of the TV watching and listening intently thinking, “oh my God, what a tragedy;” when the second plane hit the tower. I remember the anchorman conversing and saying, “there’s no way this is a coincidence folks, America is under attack!”

My mind drifts to the many thoughts I had: I was thinking do I go to the airport, do I drive to work, or do I stay home? I was so confused. I decided to drive in to work and remember the eerie feeling that loomed over the city; rush hour traffic was moving at a snail’s pace, and it was obvious everyone was intently listening to their radio trying to figure out exactly what was happening. I remember there were no reports of accidents that morning. I remember on this day that every race and every color in America united as one. It did not matter if you were black, white, red, or yellow – what mattered was that America was under attack and a piece of everyone died that day. I remember how polite, how helpful, how nice everyone was in the days and weeks that followed – the pure patriotism and heroism brought me to tears many times. I remember hearing someone say, “these colors don’t run;” I remember thinking we are truly one Nation under God.

On 9-11-01, the most important colors were red, white and blue. Now 10 years later, I often wonder what has happened to the oneness. Are we still ONE nation under God?

%d bloggers like this: