Tag Archives: love

Another One Bites the Dust!

20 Feb

You made it through Red Tuesday, which was one week before Valentines Day; and the day when you were most likely to get dumped. And you made it through Valentines Day, now what?!

I personally am not a fan of Valentines Day, I respect the effort to set aside a day for love, but honestly shouldn’t we all be more conscious about showing the one we love how much we admire and care foValentines boxr them at any time? Do we really need for society to “set aside” a day for us? Many say NO. And for that reason, they purposely rebel and don’t recognize Valentines Day at all.

If this is you, I suggest the following to keep the love and romance alive 24/7, 365:

1) Random Acts of Kindness. When your mate least expect it, surprise them with something nice. If they like flowers – send their favorite floral arrangement to their job or have a nice bouquet waiting for them when they get home from work; if they like the spa – give them a spa certificate, a gift card to their favorite coffee shop or department store, the list goes on, be creative;

2) Date Nights. I can not stress enough the importance of not just date nights, but a couple spending quality time together; not talking about the kids or the bills. But sharing your heart with your mate – highs, lows, disappointments, accomplishments, etc.;

3) Words of Affirmation. Saying nice, kind words to your mate is gold. A little goes a long way. Your words should be authentic and from the heart – not even mushy. But simple affirmations like “I appreciate you”, “You look very nice today”, “I like the cologne/perfume you’re wearing”, and “thank you for _____”;

4) A hug and a kiss. What man or woman doesn’t appreciate an unexpected hug and kiss? This is a simple way to show your love and appreciation for your mate –  displays of affection cost nothing but effort; and

5) Listen to them. This is easier said than done for most of us. Often time, our mate simply want to be heard. There is no charge associated with listening. I was taught, we were given two ears and one mouth for a reason – we should be listening twice as much as we talk. Selah.

Finally, be random and opt for the surprise element. But remember to KISS: keep it simple.

Relationship Hot Topics

21 Nov

As we approach the season of love, (Christmas through Valentine’s Day) where a lot of couples historically get engaged, if I was a betting person – I would bet that half of the couples who will get engaged and then married do not discuss these critical topics BEFORE getting married:

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  1. Finances – who will manage the finances, how will bank accounts be set-up and managed;
  2. Sex – their view on sex (frequency, preferences/likes, dislikes);
  3. Children – how many they will have and/or how they will raise them;
  4. Faith or lack of – their belief system and commitment to their faith;
  5. Career aspirations/dreams/goals – some people actually talk about their career aspirations with their future spouse, but most fail to discuss their dreams and wants.

If this is you – you have become recently engaged to be married, talk about everything. Don’t just cover the obvious basics: the past, family dynamics, and failed relationships. Discuss sensitive issues, such as your spending habits and view on money/finances; how many children you want and how you will discipline them, how you will introduce them to your faith, etc.; and don’t be afraid to share your dreams with your future spouse.

Communication is KEY in marriage. The foundation for good communication should be laid long before you say “I do”.

 

Celebrating Love

22 Aug

Inspired by Joyce M. Jones JoyceJones_headShot

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

My husband has undergone numerous health challenges in the past decade of our twenty-six years of marriage. Quite recently, he had a “routine” procedure that nearly cost him his life. There is really no, minimally invasive, “routine” procedure when you are diabetic. A couple of days after the procedure, he was weakened and in pain with chills and a fever. It was apparent that he had an infection. I accompanied him to urgent care where it was determined that he had a serious sepsis infection requiring hospitalization.
When I left him at the hospital, I knew he was sick but felt confident that once the antibiotics had taken effect, he would be fine. About 3 a.m., I received a call from the hospital that he would be moved to ICU. They allowed him to speak, his voice was trembling. He expressed that he felt very cold and that he loved me.

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At the time, he and my 92-year-old father were in the hospital. I thought the worst, “my God, I didn’t want my story to be that I lost my husband and my dad very close together”. I had heard of such stories, but I did not want it to be mine. God enveloped me in His peace. I prayed that God would spare him; that no matter what, I would trust Him; and that His perfect will be done. I tried to sleep, but of course I couldn’t. I was not worried. I wanted the time to pass so I could see him. He is a Veteran and getting onto a military base hospital isn’t as easy as just driving up to a civilian hospital. I wanted my son to see him, just in case this would be the last time. I phoned the hospital about every hour. At daylight, I gathered my son and we headed to the hospital. The antibiotics were working. God didn’t have to do it, but He did! He spared both my husband and my dad. You have heard the saying, “you don’t miss your water, ‘til the well runs dry”. Well, that is not me when it comes to my husband. I love him and appreciate him every day. I know I would not be the woman who I am without him. I am so thankful and I realize that our love is truly meant to be a divine union. We were brother and sister in the Lord first, fellowshiping and discovering bible truths; then friends, sharing our everyday experiences, getting to know one another and accepting one another; then husband and wife, sharing love and life, building an amazing family together.

Prayer:  Thank you Lord for my husband and my marriage.
Meditative Reading:  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

A Divine Union in the Making

13 Jul

Inspired By Joyce M. Jones

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“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.” Ecclesiastes 4:9

It’s been nearly twenty-seven years ago – we enjoyed each other’s company enough for me to ask him to escort me to my ten-year high school reunion. At our church, he had become quite the reliable photographer. Willingly accepting the task of escort/picture taker, he escorted me to the reunion with his camera secured around his neck. We took the commemorative photograph together. The reunion photographer insisted that we stand close to each other. That’s the first time we embraced, though mechanical, it seemed very natural. I didn’t see him for most of the evening, I mingled with classmates while he took pictures. A few days after the reunion, he presented me with a photo album of nearly 100 pictures. I saw people in the photos that I didn’t recall seeing face- to-face. How thoughtful! couple 15

Of course I’m talking about my, now, husband of twenty-five years. The foundation of a good marriage is laid long before you say “I do”. It begins with a commitment to God; we were committed to God as individuals, growing and maturing in Him; brother and sister in the Lord, fellowshipping. We enjoyed each other’s company and started building a friendship by sharing our everyday experiences, and getting to know one another. I am so thankful for all that happened to bring us together in a divine union.

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Prayer:  Thank you Lord for the gift of love, the gift of friendship, and the blessing of our marriage. We give you praise for the joy and the love you have poured into our hearts.
Meditative Reading:  Galatians 5:22-23

Where is my Jesse Williams?! 

29 Jun

Before you start asking, “where is my Jesse Williams?” Let’s get a couple of things straight.  We can all agree, Jesse Williams is the truth. He’s smart, intelligent, hella-handsome (a word I made up) and most importantly hella-woke, a word I modified. My generation would say he’s “conscious” – the millenials say, “woke” however you say it, he’s definitely a breath of fresh air.

Since his acceptance speech at the BET Awards this past Sunday, social media has been lit with all things Jesse Williams. We’ve seen everyone and their cousin’s mama posting clips of his speech, the many images of his wife along with the harsh scrutiny, to droves of females lamenting “where is MY Jesse Williams?” This reminded me of the whole “where is my Aesha Curry” mess that was circulating on social media a few months ago.

The cold hard truth is that you don’t have a “Jesse Williams” because you would not know how to treat a Jesse Williams, and/or you’re not on the same level intellectually or consciously as a Jesse Williams. Maybe in the past, you have dated a Jesse Williams but he was boring because he didn’t party and club but was focused on his education, career, and future so you didn’t see  yourself in a committed long-term relationship with him, there was no passion, you needed excitement; perhaps you misused a Jesse Williams because he was “too nice” when in reality he simply respected you and treated you like a lady; perhaps you overlooked your Jesse Williams because he lacked swag and he wasn’t light-skinned with green eyes, you were too focused on the superficial that you missed out on a man with a heart of gold simply because he looked a certain way.

So ladies, there could be a number of reasons why you don’t have a Jesse Williams, and the first order of business is a self-assessment. Make an honest assessment of yourself (inward as well as outward) and you decide where is your Jesse Williams and why hasn’t he manifested.

I actually talk about my “season of preparation”; the 7 years that I was single, celibate and believing God for a husband in my book No Longer a Bridesmaid! which can be found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other book retail sites. Yes, a shameless book plug about an easy read that I guarantee will enlighten and bless you. This book is for all the single ladies who are done dating and waiting and desire to be married. If you’re single and content with mingling, I wish you all the best!

Real Talk w/Terry: Relationships 101, Part 2

23 Jun

I’m excited to share part 2 of my panel discussion with co-eds at San Jose State University. I truly enjoyed my time interviewing the students; we talked about everything from the Tinder app and the perceived hook-up culture of  millennial’s to should they date someone with kids.

Enjoy!

And FOLLOW the Relationships-411 Real Talk w/Terry YouTube channel.

He Caught My Attention

27 May

By: Joyce M. Jones JoyceJones_headShot

(originally published in the Zoe Life Inspired Devotional (2012-16))
“Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another;” -Romans 12:10 (NKJV)

My husband loves to tell his story about how we met, when I was the new member’s clerk and program coordinator, at our former church. As the new member’s clerk I collected contact information; and as program coordinator I worked closely with the new members to organize quarterly programs. I took my position very seriously. That may have been how we met, but he didn’t get my attention until later when my mother and I were in a car accident.  While I was home recuperating, he called to see if I wanted to go for an outing.  I consented. He took me for a lovely ride in the hills where he once delivered mail. On our way back, he made a stop. We then proceeded to an early seafood dinner. When he took me home, he gave me a beautiful, fragrant bouquet of  2½ dozen red roses (that he had apparently picked up when we made the stop).  “How thoughtful”! That kind gesture got my attention and was the start of our friendship.

Disney coupleIt was the phileo love (means brotherly love, in the Greek) that caught my attention. The love that is a tender, affectionate kind of love that friendships are based on. We were brother and sister in the Lord first; then friends, sharing our everyday experiences, getting to know one another, accepting one another, and encouraging the best in one another.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the love of friends that inspire us to be all You would have us to be. Use us to encourage one another and build each other up. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Meditative Reading:  Proverbs 27:17

Marriage Equity

25 Apr

You must make a deposit before you can make a withdrawal …

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Marriage is much like a vehicle, it can not run on E = EMPTY.

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Why Do Men Do This?!

28 Mar

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I saw this posted on a Facebook friend’s page and commented, “That’s a great question! Men know the ONE and it does not take 2-3 years to figure it out. Even if they are still trying to figure “life & career” out they know who they want to meet at the altar and who the in the meantime play mates are. I have the privilege to speak about and write about relationships – so I talk to both men and women candidly about relationships all the time. And men have repeatedly told me, they only do what women allow them to get away with … so for the women if you want more – demand more.” This is sad, but in many situations true.

I recall being at a book signing event once, and a man shared with me that he met his now wife in a club. He said that at the time he knew that he was nowhere near ready to be married, but what he did know was that she was “the one”.

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Book Signing Event

What do you think? Why do men do this?!

REAL TALK W/TERRY: GUY PANEL PART 2

6 Mar

I recently had the opportunity to have a conversation with a couple of guys to discuss being single and dating in Silicon Valley. The first part of the show originally aired a few weeks ago, part 2 of the conversation is now available. Some of the questions the guys answered were: what is love, why are men afraid of commitment, is it okay for a woman to approach you and do strong women intimidate men? And more!

Part 2:

 

Part 1:

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