Question: I saw my friend’s husband having dinner with another woman. What should I do?
My answer: Nothing.
A few months ago, I saw a married man I know at a gas station with another woman. Initially, I thought, “I know this man, I know his wife and the woman he is with right now is not his wife”. For me, this situation was a no-brainer. This is not my business, not my concern – keep it moving. First and foremost, I realize that things aren’t always what they seem. For all I know, this woman could have been his cousin, his niece, a co-worker, etc. The exchange could have been totally innocent. Second, even if infidelity on the husband’s part was true, I have no idea what their marriage arrangement or agreement is. Quite honestly some wives look the other way when their husband’s cheat and don’t want to know about his indiscretions. Third, I didn’t know the wife well enough to discuss such a sensitive topic.
Back to the original question, “I saw my friend’s husband having dinner with another woman. What should I do?” In this situation, the individual saw their friend’s husband in a what appears to be compromising situation. If this friend is a really close friend, they probably already know a great deal about the person’s relationship status. Therefore, simply casually mentioning that you saw her husband at dinner should be enough. If she wants more detail, share without accusing the husband of anything and let your friend take it from there. Who knows, this could have been a business meeting with a client.
Remember things aren’t always what the seem.
This is Bre. She had been in a relationship for years; however, after reading Terry Cato’s book, No Longer a Bridesmaid! she decided to examine both the dynamics of her relationship and assess herself as a future wife.
Through the book, she gained both romantic and spiritual guidance which gave her inspiration to prepare herself to become a wife. As a result of applying Terry’s advice, Bre married the love of her life and just recently celebrated 2 years of marital bliss.
Get your copy today.
Inspired by Joyce M. Jones
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
My husband has undergone numerous health challenges in the past decade of our twenty-six years of marriage. Quite recently, he had a “routine” procedure that nearly cost him his life. There is really no, minimally invasive, “routine” procedure when you are diabetic. A couple of days after the procedure, he was weakened and in pain with chills and a fever. It was apparent that he had an infection. I accompanied him to urgent care where it was determined that he had a serious sepsis infection requiring hospitalization.
When I left him at the hospital, I knew he was sick but felt confident that once the antibiotics had taken effect, he would be fine. About 3 a.m., I received a call from the hospital that he would be moved to ICU. They allowed him to speak, his voice was trembling. He expressed that he felt very cold and that he loved me.
At the time, he and my 92-year-old father were in the hospital. I thought the worst, “my God, I didn’t want my story to be that I lost my husband and my dad very close together”. I had heard of such stories, but I did not want it to be mine. God enveloped me in His peace. I prayed that God would spare him; that no matter what, I would trust Him; and that His perfect will be done. I tried to sleep, but of course I couldn’t. I was not worried. I wanted the time to pass so I could see him. He is a Veteran and getting onto a military base hospital isn’t as easy as just driving up to a civilian hospital. I wanted my son to see him, just in case this would be the last time. I phoned the hospital about every hour. At daylight, I gathered my son and we headed to the hospital. The antibiotics were working. God didn’t have to do it, but He did! He spared both my husband and my dad. You have heard the saying, “you don’t miss your water, ‘til the well runs dry”. Well, that is not me when it comes to my husband. I love him and appreciate him every day. I know I would not be the woman who I am without him. I am so thankful and I realize that our love is truly meant to be a divine union. We were brother and sister in the Lord first, fellowshiping and discovering bible truths; then friends, sharing our everyday experiences, getting to know one another and accepting one another; then husband and wife, sharing love and life, building an amazing family together.
Prayer: Thank you Lord for my husband and my marriage.
Meditative Reading: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
I’ve recently seen these images floating around social media. I’m not sure how effective spousal public shaming is, but I definitely got a laugh out of this.
Your thoughts on a spouse or ex-spouse public shaming the other.
Inspired By Joyce M. Jones
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.” Ecclesiastes 4:9
It’s been nearly twenty-seven years ago – we enjoyed each other’s company enough for me to ask him to escort me to my ten-year high school reunion. At our church, he had become quite the reliable photographer. Willingly accepting the task of escort/picture taker, he escorted me to the reunion with his camera secured around his neck. We took the commemorative photograph together. The reunion photographer insisted that we stand close to each other. That’s the first time we embraced, though mechanical, it seemed very natural. I didn’t see him for most of the evening, I mingled with classmates while he took pictures. A few days after the reunion, he presented me with a photo album of nearly 100 pictures. I saw people in the photos that I didn’t recall seeing face- to-face. How thoughtful!
Of course I’m talking about my, now, husband of twenty-five years. The foundation of a good marriage is laid long before you say “I do”. It begins with a commitment to God; we were committed to God as individuals, growing and maturing in Him; brother and sister in the Lord, fellowshipping. We enjoyed each other’s company and started building a friendship by sharing our everyday experiences, and getting to know one another. I am so thankful for all that happened to bring us together in a divine union.
Prayer: Thank you Lord for the gift of love, the gift of friendship, and the blessing of our marriage. We give you praise for the joy and the love you have poured into our hearts.
Meditative Reading: Galatians 5:22-23
Before you start asking, “where is my Jesse Williams?” Let’s get a couple of things straight. We can all agree, Jesse Williams is the truth. He’s smart, intelligent, hella-handsome (a word I made up) and most importantly hella-woke, a word I modified. My generation would say he’s “conscious” – the millenials say, “woke” however you say it, he’s definitely a breath of fresh air.
Since his acceptance speech at the BET Awards this past Sunday, social media has been lit with all things Jesse Williams. We’ve seen everyone and their cousin’s mama posting clips of his speech, the many images of his wife along with the harsh scrutiny, to droves of females lamenting “where is MY Jesse Williams?” This reminded me of the whole “where is my Aesha Curry” mess that was circulating on social media a few months ago.
The cold hard truth is that you don’t have a “Jesse Williams” because you would not know how to treat a Jesse Williams, and/or you’re not on the same level intellectually or consciously as a Jesse Williams. Maybe in the past, you have dated a Jesse Williams but he was boring because he didn’t party and club but was focused on his education, career, and future so you didn’t see yourself in a committed long-term relationship with him, there was no passion, you needed excitement; perhaps you misused a Jesse Williams because he was “too nice” when in reality he simply respected you and treated you like a lady; perhaps you overlooked your Jesse Williams because he lacked swag and he wasn’t light-skinned with green eyes, you were too focused on the superficial that you missed out on a man with a heart of gold simply because he looked a certain way.
So ladies, there could be a number of reasons why you don’t have a Jesse Williams, and the first order of business is a self-assessment. Make an honest assessment of yourself (inward as well as outward) and you decide where is your Jesse Williams and why hasn’t he manifested.
I actually talk about my “season of preparation”; the 7 years that I was single, celibate and believing God for a husband in my book No Longer a Bridesmaid! which can be found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other book retail sites. Yes, a shameless book plug about an easy read that I guarantee will enlighten and bless you. This book is for all the single ladies who are done dating and waiting and desire to be married. If you’re single and content with mingling, I wish you all the best!
I’m excited to share part 2 of my panel discussion with co-eds at San Jose State University. I truly enjoyed my time interviewing the students; we talked about everything from the Tinder app and the perceived hook-up culture of millennial’s to should they date someone with kids.
And FOLLOW the Relationships-411 Real Talk w/Terry YouTube channel.
By: Joyce M. Jones
(originally published in the Zoe Life Inspired Devotional (2012-16))
“Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another;” -Romans 12:10 (NKJV)
My husband loves to tell his story about how we met, when I was the new member’s clerk and program coordinator, at our former church. As the new member’s clerk I collected contact information; and as program coordinator I worked closely with the new members to organize quarterly programs. I took my position very seriously. That may have been how we met, but he didn’t get my attention until later when my mother and I were in a car accident. While I was home recuperating, he called to see if I wanted to go for an outing. I consented. He took me for a lovely ride in the hills where he once delivered mail. On our way back, he made a stop. We then proceeded to an early seafood dinner. When he took me home, he gave me a beautiful, fragrant bouquet of 2½ dozen red roses (that he had apparently picked up when we made the stop). “How thoughtful”! That kind gesture got my attention and was the start of our friendship.
It was the phileo love (means brotherly love, in the Greek) that caught my attention. The love that is a tender, affectionate kind of love that friendships are based on. We were brother and sister in the Lord first; then friends, sharing our everyday experiences, getting to know one another, accepting one another, and encouraging the best in one another.
Prayer: Lord, thank you for the love of friends that inspire us to be all You would have us to be. Use us to encourage one another and build each other up. In Jesus’ name. Amen
Meditative Reading: Proverbs 27:17
I recently had the opportunity to interview a co-ed panel at San Jose State University for my show Real Talk w/Terry. We discussed dating, relationships and life on campus.
For part one of the panel discussion, tune in and join in on the conversation:
If you’re in the Bay Area, catch Real Talk w/Terry on Sunday evenings at 5:00 p.m. on Comcast 15. And follow host, Terry Cato on Twitter and Instagram @terry411cato for daily inspiration and to discuss show topics.